Grief- oh hai there // Here we go again

I get new phones.

I forget to download the apps.

I knew WordPress had one. I knew 3 phones ago. Now it’s back on my current handheld all-the-freaking time digital bestie. So maybe more writing will happen?

Time will tell.

///

Grief has been…

Non linear.

Incapacitating.

Strangely, thankfully, occasionally nonexistent.

Educational.

Deepening.

Grief is so many waves of so many things. Somedays it seems like everything’s totally, really, actually fine- like solidly A-ok!, And then moments later you realize you have tears streaming down your face and you’re so very relieved your conference call had ended or you weren’t at the grocery store or whatever.

And sometimes you are in the middle of (insert above situation or others). And you count your breaths and harness your mindfulness and find your center and usually make it thru.

And sometimes that gets exhausting and you don’t leave your house for a few days.

///

Life is relentlessly challenging and it’s generally beautiful and awe inspiring in somewhat equal measures, but it’s uneven, like it’s created by a drunk baker on a jerky ship, so “just one little dash of this right here!” can feel gigantic and overtake it all. And then a pinch of sadness may become the entire piecrust, and it’s in every single bite. But we adapt, us scrappy humans. We’re so good at doing that. So good at finding the juicy strawberries that haven’t touched the crust even a little. (Somedays.)

So I’m just digging around here with my little fork looking for the good bits.

That’s what I’ve been up to lately.

///

I think I’ll keep writing.

It feels real, in a shaky time.

About suzyloves

i am flowers on the side of the road. 'yes' and 'joy' are important to me. i may not re-read what i write, and i never won a spelling bee, but i do hope you enjoy. the world is getting larger, and i fear our 'human-ness' is growing smaller. this is my attempt to connect. i do love you and i do miss you, so this is my hand reaching out so we can all be love <3
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s