sober/ embracing sunshine in the mornings… (by suzy, currently in sf)

hi alex love! im at my home base in sf! and where are youuuu? ; ) seems we will be missing each other on the east coast by mere days. sad. typical. its ok. portland soon soon. a friend just bought a house there. when all goes wrong, i will live in that basement. then i will go to berlin germany. then i will write more frequently, less frequently, more less. more or less.

i have been sober for a few weeks now. life circumstances have been building to this point for quite a while. i am so so thrilled happy overjoyed ecstatic about the choice. i feel like my mornings are 3 times longer. i wake up really clear headed, with no headache and no remorse about what may or may not have happened the night before. i sleep so well throughout the night, and need less sleep, and feel SO GOOD when i awake. more positive, too. i forget, or made myself forget, bc i liked drinking so much, that i have depressive tendencies, and that alcohol is actually quite the downer. and, well, maybe i will lose weight, too;) ha.

and its funny, suddenly coffee is affecting me way more. its like you remove one negative from your life, and the other ones become more glaring. this morning, after spending the night at the bar below my apartment listening to a sexy tunsian guy sing arabic hip hop melodies live, i woke bright early unhungover and for i truly think the *first time ever* got half decaf in my coffee. i even went to the health food store so i could pour it myself. i wasnt ready to be the person who uttered HALF CAF in a coffee shop. but i was wearing fantastic gray multi-tiered fringed boots, that came up to my midcalf, at 8:45 am. so maybe that would have balanced things out.

i finished 6 months of dialectical behavioral group therapy, (DBT) last week. it was so difficult and so good for me at the same time. funny how that works. im starting a new rogue group in sf parks with a friend who is doing the course, too. send anyone our way who wants to go at it, with two fairy like girls in the grass on mondays in downtown san francisco.

now i am going to a big party in healdsburg, which will hopefully be not difficult at all and still so good for me. funny how that works, too.

time to apply the fake eyelashes. i will try to get a picture. new lingerie from agent provactour and the aftermentioned multitiered gray minnetonka moccasins and a 70s ish fringe-y shirt is the outfit, i think. its funny when that is what will be worn to the party. what will be worn to the bus to meet my friend at her car? what will be worn on the drive up? if it werent for the sf fog, i could probably wear whatever i wanted all day all the way. ah, but the caffinated part of my coffee has me realizing sometimes jeans and a tee that says ‘BRUNETTES DO IT BETTER’ is the way to go, for the bus portion at least. maybe a gold bikini for the car ride to napa-ish.

About suzyloves

i am flowers on the side of the road. 'yes' and 'joy' are important to me. i may not re-read what i write, and i never won a spelling bee, but i do hope you enjoy. the world is getting larger, and i fear our 'human-ness' is growing smaller. this is my attempt to connect. i do love you and i do miss you, so this is my hand reaching out so we can all be love <3
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