“especially after 1 a.m.” (love, suzy)

1) bums sometimes appauld if you kiss in front of them, in the midst of that pool of humanity, before entering the subway.

2) you live in sf now, and people invite you to come to a ‘hacker space– its open all the time!’. you blink once, twice, 3x a charm, and yes, you determine, i do actually live here. these are my new compatriots.

3) is your spellcheck working, is your xray vision on. smiling boys hand you hot chocolate. whose dream have i wandered into, and why doesnt everyone want to get in on it?

4) the girls smile, the boys smile. everyones a little gay. especially after 1 a.m. as the prospects diminish and flourish all at once.

5) i go to: a health food store, a clown school graduation, a bar with no windows, a cutest house on the street, a long way home.

6) the walk of shame can be embraced, ignored, or embarrasing. generally, a mix of all these emotions, block by long block.

7) the sentences swirl in my head on the way home, hoping to be remembered. they are not. this is all ive got, at the end of the day.

8 ) you start cutting your own hair again. you start wearing you old smile again. you are really going to sell all of your clothes this time around.

9) functional. fun. cannot have functional without fun. or, cunt. but, thats a different story now? huh.

10) sometimes you meet a guy whose live-in law office smells like cat piss, and, you find that you like him despite that. or because of that? because successful men sometimes scare you, but, now, that, is humanizing.

11) you receive a text claiming language is the 6th emotion.

12) it feels like something new starts and something new ends most every day now. it was the quickest of times, it was the slowest of times. it was time to bring the laundry to the Laundromat in a camping/trekking/backpacking backpack.

113) you make your own therapist cry during a session. small victory? majorly fucked up? some beautiful combination thereof?

one cannot end on 13. but if you add one hundred to anything it is bound to be a bit better.


LUV+ 100

About suzyloves

i am flowers on the side of the road. 'yes' and 'joy' are important to me. i may not re-read what i write, and i never won a spelling bee, but i do hope you enjoy. the world is getting larger, and i fear our 'human-ness' is growing smaller. this is my attempt to connect. i do love you and i do miss you, so this is my hand reaching out so we can all be love <3
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2 Responses to “especially after 1 a.m.” (love, suzy)

  1. thesubjective says:

    Reading the above while waiting for lost luggage in Munich when you are suppose to be in Amsterdam motivates me to fuck, take the flight tomorrow an explore a new city….if only because it’s not raining here.

    And what Therapist isn’t fucked up in their own right…..everyone I’ve met has needed tithe most.

    Lovely S

  2. suzyloves says:

    have fun exploring munich ryan. (never check luggage!) i miss you face and your way. xoxo

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