a love supreme/a love supreme… (by s)

i was moving to a new city.

you were staying put in the old dirty mean one

with nothing new in mind.

///

you said you were going to drive there with me

and help transport my bike,

and my mishmashed and meager belongings

that i knew were going to be out of place

and/or potentially unnecessary,

but were coming more for peace of mind more than anything.

///

we fought all night, at my parents house.

about things that we should have been fighting about,

and then, also, things that never make sense to anyone,

fully, — but can still, and will, be argued —

yet only in pitch blackness.

///

in this pitch black we eventually did fall asleep

in the winter coats of our very early 20’s, on my childhood bed,

in my childhood room.

[there are glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, to this day,

and i think they helped lull us to sleep finally

shaking us from our violent crying and yelling.]

///

we awoke so late.

i missed all the appointments i had set to look at rooms.

if this had happened 5 years later,

i would have spent the entire car ride

calling numbers from Craigslist postings

trying to find a place to live.

(hopefully one that had a place

for my bike to live, too.)

///

instead, we drove down silently-

me finally putting in a CD with ‘A Love Supreme’

on it, as a peace offering of sorts,

both of us knowing the bike very well may be

making this car ride back with us in number of hours.

///

we listened to ‘A Love Supreme’ on repeat at least 15 times.

though it could have been 50. 150?

///

the song droned on,

over bridges and toll roads and honking and merging.

it finally called me down from my mania.

and i begged you to pull over, and, weeping,

then weeped and begged for a way to re-enter

the bohemian life i was leaving.

it was good. it was real.

i was not ready to abandon it, yet;

i was simply doing what i thought i needed to do,

to become an adult.

///

i knew the move wasnt going to be right for me,

but it was a part of my progress. it was seemingly long ago,

and i am back to more artistic tactics

of creating a life worth living.

///

the manias are fewer when things feel more correct;

living truthfully provides me with a bright light

that shows even through dense fog,

and i can find my way to the other end

without feeling like i’ve lost an important part of myself,

(a part i don’t mind having tea with on damp days)

somewhere in the swirling weather.

About suzyloves

i am flowers on the side of the road. 'yes' and 'joy' are important to me. i may not re-read what i write, and i never won a spelling bee, but i do hope you enjoy. the world is getting larger, and i fear our 'human-ness' is growing smaller. this is my attempt to connect. i do love you and i do miss you, so this is my hand reaching out so we can all be love <3
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