going home (from alexander)

Suzy, all your entries have been very wonderful and i don’t know were i’ve been… i especially loved:

hours of vast nothingness.

what do normal people do? when they are not frantic between
the two extremes? sleep or be wide awake.
too much too far too fast, or not moving.
those feel like my only choices. and, they are all i see.

i somehow summoned the energy to do one load of laundry.
but where will i ever find the higher power that allows me to
bring the damp limp load to its completion in the dryer cycle?
i am not sure.

i am having a day where it all reminds me of being five years old.
i was a problematically perfect child princess.
no wonder i am having a tough time competing with that
and living an authentic life, where it is ok to muck it all up,
every now and then.

and by that i mean everyday.
but thats not forever,


I guess I’ve just been here – in Portland, mostly quiet for now.  The air is cooler, the house is quieter (mostly-thought right now there are 3 hippies playing guitar on my porch.)  I will post pictures.   Otherwise, I’ve been grinding into a job hunt more and more…  my options wide open.  I’ve emailed hostels, and lots of places.  It’s a little discouraging now that I’m actually trying – but then again, im not only a week away AWAY FROM BURNING MAN and Im so excited and getting packed and buying weird things and shopping at good will and getting prepared for it all… this year will be my second and i will totally be able to know what i’m getting into, which will probably make it EVEN better, can you imagine.. this year i hope to volunteer and work at one of the cafe’s or the bus depot or handing out ice…  hmmm, something!   and i got a TUTU… and face paint.. and its all coming together.  


here is someone’s (ok) montage made last year in 08….  woooo woooo

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