i know of two deaths this weekend. one, maybe two, almost deaths.
one of the almosts was very real. very real and very scary and i keep thinking about it. (and am so glad you are ok!! ❤ ) to hear about death makes me shaky and makes me know i am not living as i should be. i WASTE time. i do not show enough LOVE to the people i love! i was going to write 'the only way to not be scared of dying is to really live, so you have no regrets', but i am unsure if i think thats true. i think i can do that and still be scared… so, on that note, i will give you my handwritten notes from my trip to philly. they are about really living, in, some, sense:::
-i never doubted i would sleep in a hammock for an extended period of time.
– hats are useful for sleeping while on buses.
-i wonder why that guy isnt embarrassed to drive around w a mcCain sticker on his car?
-everytime i go back to nyc, its raining. is that a sign?
– (from later) it actually stopped raining this time. and my route from the bus stop to the R train takes me through the flower district, and today i passed many boxes full of rose petals. i think thats a sign, also.
– * I AM READY to be an artist.
-i pass a company housed in a huge huge building. it is called 'preferred freezer services'. i like things like that.
-i saw a sticker in PA that said 'All Else Failed'.
-i saw a puppy walking across a bridge in NJ.
– when i was analyzing my actions from the night before while at brunch the next morning, kyle said something that stuck w me for days… 'If I reflected on the night before, I would never leave my house.'
– i saw a sticker in northern liberties that said 'Fuck You if you can't take a Joke'.
– i split an entire vodka drink from a big red cup in the back of a cab. i gave the driver a $10 trip for a $4 ride and he didnt know why.
-i befriended an artist from san fran who was visiting philly for the first time, and i drank whiskey from a bottle with him in the back room of the gallery.
-i found out my friend who was deported to Myanmar is teaching english and is happy. so im happy.
-in the same day i read articles about how our generation is sick of chain stores, and boring porn. both talked about new, real, authentic living. that made me happy.
-the bus from philly to nyc had no AC, so we had to pull over and get a new one and it was a big stupid thing, but no one even complained, and now we are on a new bus and just fine.
the end. good luck living. i am going to try to start doing more of it and being better and more pure and cultivating more peace and beautiful things. ❤