Here’s what happened… way back in the fall I was reading a RADAR magazine sitting somewhere. And with a whim I went online and ordered a subscription to it and was even conned by the internet into a second year at an additional few dollars.
Do you remember RADAR? It is a few years old, mostly art/politics/pop cult… it was pretty shiny and fun to read. I remember being blown away with their report on the college girl from WA state all wrapped up in the Italian court system for her drug/sex/murder scandal while studying over there. (What ever happened to that?)
ANYWAY, in mere weeks I read that RADAR folded just as I paid them for 2 years.
I just continued to check if they charged the credit card or not?! Wasn’t sure.
Months later I’m living in NV and get some mail that the Post Office forwarded from my LA address. It said to choose from the following other magazines by such-and-such a date to replace my RADAR subscription. The date had past!
A month later I’m in NV from OR just to pick up my stuff and in the mail had come MEN’S FITNESS! I read it on the truck ride back to OR and it was junk. Glossy articles on “the best ab workout” and high protein diets and gym etiquette . And I thought, how will they come up with more ways to regurgitate this crap month after month. So I decide to track them down, I finally find a number online to reach these people who seem to not even exist. Lady on the phone reads me the list of other options. It was disappointing that the RADAR owners picked such a lame list of magazines to give to it’s angry subscribers. She mentions a bunch of gross mainstream fitness magazines, some beauty mags, and STAR. I kinda think, hm, I don’t mind that trashy celebrity stuff to flip through when I’m really bored or drunk or on the toilet. I asked “isn’t that weekly” and she said yes. And I asked “I can get STAR weekly for no extra money?” and she said yes. Then I asked “well could I just have the money back or something?” and believe it or not she said SURE!, not on the credit card though, they would have to send me a check for $14.50 – what they would owe me after receiving two wonderful issues of MENS FITNESS.
I guess a piece of my girlyness or my hollywoodness set in and I actually said, “I think I’ll just take the STAR until it runs out.”
After hanging up, some guilt set in. I chose to receive STAR MAGAZINE, WEEKLY, for maybe 10 months. That waste of paper, of ink, of celebrity lives on my bathroom floor. And $14.50 could surely buy me some vegetables or beer or 7 round trips into downtown Portland. FUCK! I made the wrong decision.
I called back and it was the same woman on the line.
“I think we just spoke, I don’t mean to sound like a crazy person but I think it’s better if you send me the check instead of waste the paper on something I won’t read!”
In 4-6 weeks I’ll be surprised (cause I forget everything like this) to find a check for 14 buckaroos in my mailbox!
Thanks RADAR magazine for giving me such anxiety.