alexander’s plants fly by the seat of their pants

suzy, the plants didn’t all make it over the weekend when i left them in storage in cold weather.  what poor planning, had i given more away, or reorganized car vs. truck during the move.  but because we i fucked it up, the 2 big plant/trees are dead and gone.  they didn’t dry up, but wilted and never returned.  i think this is weather culture anyway.  the bamboo’s in the tall glasses also turned into something mushy and i don’t suspect a good revival.  it’s very sad.  i suppose plants are just as sensitive as animals and people to big change.  i have a few beloved ivy’s that are doing ok and will come to portland with me. 

the snow isn’t fun. it chills the house more and makes the floors wet and muddy.  i’ve been wearing old old navy painter pants (i’ve had since high school), over my pajamas during the days and nights.  i walked in the snow for 2 miles today to keep up with so far a week of walking 2ish miles a day.  i crave a city for walking and biking.  but here, i have to set out to walk in the cold and not give up.   i hate the part of coming back where i started.  but it’s warmer inside.  

the cat likes to eat one of the dead plants.  do i allow this?

i’m listening to much newer catpower.  speaking of cat.  their music brings me to a very certain time and person in freshman uni, philadelphia dorm rooms, car rides to south street.  what happened to all that?  what happens when something might soon be a “decade ago”.  

i was lost in the same smith’s grocery store you, ryan and i were at during that long day – new grocery store and vitamin isle and phone calls and forgetting cigarettes and not having a “smiths card”.  i was lost there again today.  i don’t like not knowing where they put things.  and i don’t like at all “regular grocery stores” if you know what i mean.   and i would end up near diapers when i thought i was at hot cereals.   it was trouble.  i’m going to start eating cream of whole wheat with agave syrup and soy milk in the mornings.  i need something like that every day, i think.  more fiber!  fiber! it’s back!

i spend my days now reading and looking around.  it’s not way off from before.  just now some tending to family, and tending to the future.  scanning criags list portland for a variety of information.  housing, work? free bikes!   wondering what will happen for work.  feeling very seat-of-my-pants and it’s so all right with me.  this whole bad economy thing actually helps me out in a way-  it’s easier to explain myself.  and to exude this facade that it’s all about this failing economy that im seat-pant-flying, but really, i want to pant-fly right now during these years, during this place, this time on earth.  fly, seat, FLY!  

just like my plants, we die and fly by the seat of our pants.  

things are real.


something my dad said tonight:  “there are 2 bad major american addictions: marijuana and television – because with both of them you just lean back and go ‘oh, far out man’ – but with booze at least you go out, drink, meet some people, get in a barfight, and have some exciting things happen…” 

also i laughed real hard when he said to me, while we were somewhat discussing the poor medical standards in impoverished countries, he said:    “it’s like- hey! its the end of the week, wash your hands”

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