love returning here after forgetting a little – it’s like when i remember that i do sometimes smoke cigarettes right at the moment that something feels missing and i suddenly remember “wait!, i smoke! i can smoke right now!”. its a blessing.
yesterday i got into such a clean clean mode and tore apart my bedroom, including closet and underthebed. do you new yorkers even have closets or underbeds? i created a lot of garbage and donateables. but yet the room seems just as crowded. i love to throw things out! it is so freeing, sometimes i laugh because you have to struggle with an item. one was a belt that you gave me so many years back. i think a girls belt and broken and require safety pins. i was thinking throw it out, no don’t, its suzy’s in a way, its from college, but i havent worn it ever maybe in 3, 4 years, it just sits here with the others and takes up space, but keep it!, but don’t. i threw it out, with the knowledge that when we do finally trash these memories, we kind of forget we ever had the thing in the first place. so this might be the last mention an thought of that college belt. no offense. i DO still wear matt’s pants though, as you know!. they are baggy and i need a belt to wear them. OH SHIT!
i’m spending the day in my house. the walls all around me and light pouring in. it is muted light that only somewhat shines through some kind or haze or cloud this morning. in a few hours it will be direct and it will make my newly potted basil an chives happy!