london. may 17.

it only took me about an hour and half to exit the heathrow airport,
remind myself how the tube functions – how to function
and to get my ass to cafe deco with a mug and paper

i still don’t know if i’m excited – its all too surreal

i really do know how to live my life
and allow it to mind fuck.  daily.
– its all too surreal

i wish i’d see heidi walk up gloucoster
like the very first time i  sat in this chair.
5 years before
and i know i won’t see it

(by the way, you used to be able to smoke inside this place)

a passer’s shirt reads: ESCAPE. TRAVEL. LIVE.

interesting.


may21.

OK, EXCITED.
bag on back
back at home. calm
whenever i’m “away” i feel so different.  like at home.

its been days now and i feel comforatable.
i spent the last 4 days with jonathan
on an indescribable ride – i said okay to anything handed to me.  ha.
i traveled to all lands, from the same couches, floors and rooftops.
what time of day was all that?

we overcame it all.  i mean that,
now i miss someone else
next, i write about things i don’t want to

anyway.

surroundings:

every man in london under 40 looks gay.  its very frustrating.
all those tight pants and cigarettes.


very late

this is finally the final evening i spend on this couch
the last night,
yet i want to feel fit and drunk so i can stop thinking
(i have one more cigarette on the balcony)

this room is simple.
couch. chair. pillow. tv.
and only i drank so much

i can’t be on this couch anymore
i can’t sleep in this flat anymore

tonight i’m all of a sudden briefly scared to go to spain alone.
will it be lonely and awful?

cambrell green is a lovely area in south london,
and i know that my time in spain this week will be the best thing in the world.

a guy i met this weekend stole my sweatshirt and from what i hear he is having sex with a stranger tonight
for 400 quid because he really wants this certain pair of heels.

see, i really love these people!


days later

my last few days in london.  just a reminder, of my life.  really  – mine
friends from san francisco and i sat and lived
wine and cheese in the hot sun of hyde park
the worlds that were there
last time here,
was,
the silhouettes of trees in the moonlight.
an ungodly hour
maybe the love
the silhouettes of the trees as the sun rose.

now.  it is different and lovely and calm and a friend

we shared one wee for 20p in the waitrose bathroom
it was such a long ride from dulwich to here.

i cried watching othello performed at the globe.
i hate shakespeare


luton airport observations 25 may

* don’t come too early as i am 4, not 2 hours ahead of schedule
* non-us airports, in and of themselves, feel safer. as if people aren’t afraid of each other
* uk BLT’s are lovely but salty
* americans are by far the most abrasive in public places “THEY DON”T HAVE WATER HERE RRROB,
OH. OH. THE SELL IT OVER THERE”, yelling
* a woman happily left her toddler and luggage with me for only a few moments, having trust in my personhood
* my cell phone does work, thank god i just now realized
(note from the present: my cell bill was 300 bucks over because of my calls made from spain)


hostel in barcelona

i arrive to an empty room
i come back late and everyone is asleep
i awake and they are gone

Who are these 5 people?
always my luck
they want to see and do everything
i just want to be out in the night and under in the day

the first person i met in a barcelona bar was named fernando,
and he was from san francisco and we know all the same people.


bus

for 19 euros i rode in circles
rode in a daze
nurd and sur
the rambla
circles
the city went by
like a language spoken

when i awoke, i was already awake
and i was int omorrow
at the beach, in sitges
(how am i here?)

all my evenings on the avenue de dalt
sangrias and my notebooks and dancing

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