John Daniel Lanza, 9/7/49 – 4/5/18 // & For the first year in a decade

For the first year in a decade, no one blogged here. In 2017. For the entire year.

It’s 2018 now.

Things are already markedly different in my life. My father just passed away. Like just, just. It makes me wonder what I was doing in 2017. What was I so busy doing. Why couldn’t I have taken a few extra weeks here and there and just been with him?

 

But I know the answer to that. My logical mind does, at least. I visited my parents a few times that year. And it is lovely for a few days. And after a few days, we both want to get back into our own routines, do what we are comfortable doing. He had his way of life. I am beating myself up every other moment thinking “Why didn’t I do a ten day juice fast with my Dad? It would have helped his condition so much!” “Why didn’t I spend my saving on building him a steam room?”

He was in his late 60s and still liked eating cheeseburgers. My parents have food at the house with high fructose corn syrup. When he had a mild heart attack a year ago, and I suggested a few things he could be eating, he made fun of me in his sweet way and said “Suzy, if it were up to you, you’d have me drinking yak milk and eating pea shoots all day.” 🙂 not exactly untrue.

 

He knew my favorite health food stores in the area, and could have gone. He knows I would have talked to him all day about soups and herbs and CBD if he wanted to. I only talked to him about them as much as he wanted to listen, though. To be respectful. To be kind? To keep our relationship nice and easy going and non dramatic. And now I wish I did everything different. Of course.

Now I wish I talked to him every single day in 2017.

Now I wish I had known he was probably my favorite person.

Now I can’t talk to him anymore, on this plane of existence.

But I think whatever comes next is easier. I think he can breathe easier now, for the first time in so so so long. Now I *know* he is done suffering. And I can handle suffering on his behalf. For his memory. For all the love he showed me.

He made me the person I am today. There is no doubt about that.

Dad, I don’t know if you ever read this odd little now and again blog, and I don’t know if your astral plane makes you all-knowing or if it has subpar WiFi or what the exact deal is, but if you are able to know this now, if you didn’t before, know that I love you with my whole entire heart. Know that I can’t think of you without crying. Know that you were an amazing father and just such a very, very cool human. I miss you so much. The world is duller already. The world has lost has a shining light.

I hope you and Ryan and Grandma Bea– and *your* dad!– are having such a fun time up there. Over there. Way yonder. Wherever your soul is now. ❤

I’m so grateful you were my father.  John Daniel Lanza, 9/7/49 – 4/5/18

 

I find my old digital to-do lists

I make myself laugh 
​Today:

Start to pack

Find Neti pot 

Drink tea (no coffee)

Send drafts

Buy thigh highs? 

eastcoast,hollydays

hello world. happy solstice.  did we all find some extra alignment with our inner selves on that long long night? i trust that we in fact did, even if we aren’t aware of it yet. ❤

art by Android Jones 

I’m reading Jack Kornfeild’s The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology. It helps with east coast traffic and being kind of out of my element.

Here’s someone reading it aloud. 

updates: 1)east coast is cold. how did i ever live here! no wonder whiskey was such an important part of my life. 2)i found a new favorite hotel in NYC. it’s the affordable version of the crosby street hotel (swoon), called HGU. I’m a fan. There’s real art and a bathtub, and a variety of newspapers including the International NYTimes.

3)seeing loved ones, bopping around. NYC is good for a million things to happen all at once. and then the pauses feel so good.  then back to rural southern NJ tomorrow. i have some Christmas crafting in mind that i’m psyched to start.

4)my stellar company is giving us all of next week off. quality of life FTW. hopefully some art exploration will commence. and hugs and good cheer:))

5) here’s a good soundtrack to today that a sweet person sent me.

More transmissions from east coast soon.

image by andy gilmore 

Bend, OR cannabis outting! (It’s work research) (..it actually really is!)

7. That was getting long.

Visited Bend, OR for biking, rivers, and a peek into the cannabis culture. Well done, Bend. Well done!  It’s endlessly interesting to me to see the different products that evolve in each distinct market. 

A few dispensaries in Bend really stood out to me with their gorgeous branding, happy welcoming staff, and well create array of offerings. 

I buy new types of CBD wherever I have the chance, and Bend def provided. 

(Not pictured: CBD in tinctures, capsules, and amulets!) 

My company’s Firefly vaporizer and these products all seriously go hand in hand. Delightful business meetings abound. It’s funny to me to be a career women, but, to be one in this industry at least makes a bit more sense 🙂 

Burning Man to Reno NV to Bend OR to Seattle WA, + Cannabis & a waning Summertime (in no particular order)

1. I went to Burning Man in August. My 6th time on that journey. What a tremendously beautiful year. I camped with Playa Bike Repair for the second year. We rent and fix  bikes. As all good Burners know, a bike is a very important consideration out on the vast dusty playa- and it felt so great to provide people with the gift of a bike repair when they were in need! 
2. From Black Rock City, took the Burner Express bus out. All thumbs up, 5 glow stick rating! Finally, we’re inching towards maybe thinking of sustainability at the Burn! The Burner Express has a special bus lane, like all good public transportation should. So you skip the longgg entrance lines and crazy exodus lines. I can’t wait to see this program develop! 
3. Headed to Reno. Circus Circus of course course.
4. Paisley, OR for hotsprings.
5. Then onto Bend. I’ll start a new post for this 🌼
6. 

PS- So Alex, I might use our ancient/ultramodern bestblogeva to update my team on Cannahappenings 🙂 thoughts? I’m happy for Public Health to get added in as much as possible. It’s honestly all one and the same in my opinion! 

Holotropic breathwork- Stan Goff

Holotropic breathwork- Stan Goff
I had the great luck to see Stan Goff speak at CIIS in SF last Fri. Here are my notes.

Moving towards wholeness is what holotropic breathwork helps us to do.

We are all created by the cosmic creative energy. We are all that.

Who am I? Thou are That. (Divine)

God dwells in you as you.

Kykeon (beverage)
Hoffman, gordon __ brought psycolibion to US, Karl rock Greek scholar

Argot, fungus that made up kykeon was psychedelic https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kykeon

This drink was given to ppl for 2k years before telling people the mysteries .
3k ppl every 5 years experienced this. (!!!)

Cicerio Plato , etc etc
Were all given this drink which created psychedelic experiences

Technology of the sacred
To induce spiritual experience
Yoga, kabbabal, zen Buddhism, fasting, chants, prayers are examples.

Direct spiritual experience is not currently in vogue.

We’ve discovered divinity in our own body

” Brother Sun sister moon” movie about saint Francis of Assisi

Sandos sent lsd to Dr Grof
Lsd 25 , in 1938
“A fantasicum” the study was entitled.

“The search for wholeness” written by his wife Christine

Monastic or fringe religions may still do some of these more extreme things that religions used to provide for people to have individual,holy ecstatic experiences.

Driving the brainwaves.. by stroposcope, was happening in university LSD studies.

Numinous – encountering a new level of the universe

Face to face, interview with Jung when he was in his 80s
Asked if he believes in god, he said NO.
And the interviewer was baffled. Jung went on to say: He knows. Doesn’t just believe.

💫💫💫The Tao of physics💫💫💫

Everything is a process.. we shouldn’t use nouns. 🙂
I’m Suzy Lanza-ing.
Instead of using a microphone you’re microphoning.

Shining example

Had the very shiny good fortune of running into the impeccable and most fun Sheena on the streets of Chinatown this weekend. Pictured with the fabulous Juls.

Thought you’d appreciate this, Alex, and rest of world that appreciates sass and glimmer!