Unexpected healings, or: 5d real estate for sale in a lovely neighborhood!

I recently had an unexpected healing with a skillful massage therapist who made bigggg progress in opening my heart chakra, and she also gave me the gift of the most understandable explanation of 5d reality that I’ve heard to date.

She explained 5d as a place of instant manifestation, and said we had to break our ingrained habits of needlessly, mindlessly manifesting our worst fears before we could truly arrive in 5d.

We are all spend increasing amounts of time there, tho, and soon many of us will be there all/most the time. So now is the moment to remind your heart and soul to lead and your mind and ego to follow- not the other way around!

A few days after seeing her, the book “Manifesting 1, 2, 3: and you don’t need #3” came into my life. I’m only part way through, but this is my favorite bit so far, about how our thoughts set things in action:

At the heart of this experience (of manifesting) I knew that thought is real. It is as effective as pushing an elevator button. The elevator starts to move toward you. Sometimes it comes quickly; sometimes it has to move a longer distance to eventually reach you. No matter, it’s coming towards you because you pushed the button.

Back to the in person healing- the therapist also gave me a beautiful example of why to keep a very Open heart chakra:
The more expansive our feild of energy is, the more likely we can prevent a disturbance because we see it coming from miles away. While being closed off, which we think is protecting us, is instead actually limiting our scope of what we can anticipate, and we are more likely to be set off balance. (!!!) I found that so profoundly impactful.

I felt so light, open, and free after my session, and I hope some of this energy is transferred to you by reading this ♡ remember, all day, that you are worthy of Love, and, Love is greater than Fear.


This happened in Cannon Beach, Oregon. Here are a few pictures.

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Grief- oh hai there // Here we go again

I get new phones.

I forget to download the apps.

I knew WordPress had one. I knew 3 phones ago. Now it’s back on my current handheld all-the-freaking time digital bestie. So maybe more writing will happen?

Time will tell.


Grief has been…

Non linear.


Strangely, thankfully, occasionally nonexistent.



Grief is so many waves of so many things. Somedays it seems like everything’s totally, really, actually fine- like solidly A-ok!, And then moments later you realize you have tears streaming down your face and you’re so very relieved your conference call had ended or you weren’t at the grocery store or whatever.

And sometimes you are in the middle of (insert above situation or others). And you count your breaths and harness your mindfulness and find your center and usually make it thru.

And sometimes that gets exhausting and you don’t leave your house for a few days.


Life is relentlessly challenging and it’s generally beautiful and awe inspiring in somewhat equal measures, but it’s uneven, like it’s created by a drunk baker on a jerky ship, so “just one little dash of this right here!” can feel gigantic and overtake it all. And then a pinch of sadness may become the entire piecrust, and it’s in every single bite. But we adapt, us scrappy humans. We’re so good at doing that. So good at finding the juicy strawberries that haven’t touched the crust even a little. (Somedays.)

So I’m just digging around here with my little fork looking for the good bits.

That’s what I’ve been up to lately.


I think I’ll keep writing.

It feels real, in a shaky time.

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John Daniel Lanza, 9/7/49 – 4/5/18 // & For the first year in a decade

For the first year in a decade, no one blogged here. In 2017. For the entire year.

It’s 2018 now.

Things are already markedly different in my life. My father just passed away. Like just, just. It makes me wonder what I was doing in 2017. What was I so busy doing. Why couldn’t I have taken a few extra weeks here and there and just been with him?


But I know the answer to that. My logical mind does, at least. I visited my parents a few times that year. And it is lovely for a few days. And after a few days, we both want to get back into our own routines, do what we are comfortable doing. He had his way of life. I am beating myself up every other moment thinking “Why didn’t I do a ten day juice fast with my Dad? It would have helped his condition so much!” “Why didn’t I spend my saving on building him a steam room?”

He was in his late 60s and still liked eating cheeseburgers. My parents have food at the house with high fructose corn syrup. When he had a mild heart attack a year ago, and I suggested a few things he could be eating, he made fun of me in his sweet way and said “Suzy, if it were up to you, you’d have me drinking yak milk and eating pea shoots all day.” 🙂 not exactly untrue.


He knew my favorite health food stores in the area, and could have gone. He knows I would have talked to him all day about soups and herbs and CBD if he wanted to. I only talked to him about them as much as he wanted to listen, though. To be respectful. To be kind? To keep our relationship nice and easy going and non dramatic. And now I wish I did everything different. Of course.

Now I wish I talked to him every single day in 2017.

Now I wish I had known he was probably my favorite person.

Now I can’t talk to him anymore, on this plane of existence.

But I think whatever comes next is easier. I think he can breathe easier now, for the first time in so so so long. Now I *know* he is done suffering. And I can handle suffering on his behalf. For his memory. For all the love he showed me.

He made me the person I am today. There is no doubt about that.

Dad, I don’t know if you ever read this odd little now and again blog, and I don’t know if your astral plane makes you all-knowing or if it has subpar WiFi or what the exact deal is, but if you are able to know this now, if you didn’t before, know that I love you with my whole entire heart. Know that I can’t think of you without crying. Know that you were an amazing father and just such a very, very cool human. I miss you so much. The world is duller already. The world has lost has a shining light.

I hope you and Ryan and Grandma Bea– and *your* dad!– are having such a fun time up there. Over there. Way yonder. Wherever your soul is now. ❤


I’m so grateful you were my father.  John Daniel Lanza, 9/7/49 – 4/5/18


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I find my old digital to-do lists

I make myself laugh 

Start to pack

Find Neti pot 

Drink tea (no coffee)

Send drafts

Buy thigh highs? 

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hello world. happy solstice.  did we all find some extra alignment with our inner selves on that long long night? i trust that we in fact did, even if we aren’t aware of it yet. ❤


art by Android Jones 

I’m reading Jack Kornfeild’s The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology. It helps with east coast traffic and being kind of out of my element.

Here’s someone reading it aloud. 

updates: 1)east coast is cold. how did i ever live here! no wonder whiskey was such an important part of my life. 2)i found a new favorite hotel in NYC. it’s the affordable version of the crosby street hotel (swoon), called HGU. I’m a fan. There’s real art and a bathtub, and a variety of newspapers including the International NYTimes.

3)seeing loved ones, bopping around. NYC is good for a million things to happen all at once. and then the pauses feel so good.  then back to rural southern NJ tomorrow. i have some Christmas crafting in mind that i’m psyched to start.

4)my stellar company is giving us all of next week off. quality of life FTW. hopefully some art exploration will commence. and hugs and good cheer:))

5) here’s a good soundtrack to today that a sweet person sent me.

More transmissions from east coast soon.


image by andy gilmore 

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Bend, OR cannabis outting! (It’s work research) (..it actually really is!)

7. That was getting long.

Visited Bend, OR for biking, rivers, and a peek into the cannabis culture. Well done, Bend. Well done!  It’s endlessly interesting to me to see the different products that evolve in each distinct market. 

A few dispensaries in Bend really stood out to me with their gorgeous branding, happy welcoming staff, and well create array of offerings. 

I buy new types of CBD wherever I have the chance, and Bend def provided. 

(Not pictured: CBD in tinctures, capsules, and amulets!) 

My company’s Firefly vaporizer and these products all seriously go hand in hand. Delightful business meetings abound. It’s funny to me to be a career women, but, to be one in this industry at least makes a bit more sense 🙂 

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Burning Man to Reno NV to Bend OR to Seattle WA, + Cannabis & a waning Summertime (in no particular order) 

  1. I went to Burning Man in August. My 6th time on that journey. What a tremendously beautiful year. I camped with Playa Bike Repair for the second year. We rent and fix  bikes. As all good Burners know, a bike is a very important consideration out on the vast dusty playa- and it felt so great to provide people with the gift of a bike repair when they were in need! 
  2. From Black Rock City, took the Burner Express bus out. All thumbs up, 5 glow stick rating! Finally, we’re inching towards maybe thinking of sustainability at the Burn! The Burner Express has a special bus lane, like all good public transportation should. So you skip the longgg entrance lines and crazy exodus lines. I can’t wait to see this program develop! 
  3. Headed to Reno. Circus Circus of course course.
  4. Paisley, OR for hotsprings.
  5. Then onto Bend. I’ll start a new post for this 🌼

PS- So Alex, I might use our ancient/ultramodern bestblogeva to update my team on Cannahappenings 🙂 thoughts? I’m happy for Public Health to get added in as much as possible. It’s honestly all one and the same in my opinion! 

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