moving again ///last days are always hard (written over a half decade ago…)

moving again ///last days are always hard

ive had SO many moves since then.  

i wrote this on my MYSPACE BLOG (omg omg my myspace blog! hahah) in 2006!!!! and im feeling it again. im moving one week from today. SF>ATL. who would have thought. and this isnt even a for reals move. this is a logistical move, and THEN there will be a REAL move, shortly thereafter, to somewhere scott and i both really want to be or really need to be, or maybe both. this was written about moving from stamford, CT to brooklyn, NY. a few days before halloween. halloween in NYC in my twenties. THAT made for a fun move! days on end of partying before emptying any boxes. 

the last time i wrote this it started with “last day of my job.” but i feel like much of the wisdom i have gained the last 6 (holy crap, SIX years!?) has gone to deciding to not being constrained by office walls, as it truly does not serve me well. the rest of the poem holds true for me, though. i added a few lines. i took away none, except the first about the job.

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moving again ///last days are always hard 

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i’m never ready for things when they end.

i do not want my life to continue being a series of meeting people i love, and then, leaving them. is >That< the definiton of a life?

hopefully hopefully everyone i love can come to dinner parties i have, soon enough. (maybe a month long wedding is in order. 1000 friends and guests and lovers, feeding each other fruit for a month straight. we will need to do it soon, next five years, before we go over the limit. making friends all over the world, it adds up fast.)

for now, leaves fall, days go, calendars change pages. with a beauty and a plan something like skydiving, my life switches phases. new house, new people, again and again. i love you, i know you, ive opened to you, but now we go, seperate ways. come visit, stay awhile. i can only hope.

***

i’ve fine tuned these relationships, only to burn the sheet music we move to and then

unceremoniously  

smash the instruments to pieces.

***

(rockstar, beatpoet, nownownow living takes rockstar, beatpoet, nownow oh yes now measures. and striving to be a monk takes an element of reflectivness. will i find my balance, in this next haven?)

but you know, i do know our parts by heart, so maybe on the same days we will be humming the same tunes that we created, together.

for now, suitcases are packed, and soon there will be new numbers, so many new numbers. phone numbers of new friends, house numbers, zip codes, parking limits on new streets with new names in a different time zone- even my hours will have a newness.

i will see you someday soon. it will be the same, just in a different park, around the turn of a different corner.

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