WELCOME HOME AGAIN (a)

this is it…..  !!!  i love you suzy and i love you world.

its saturday at 10 pm and i dont know if i can sleep tonight (like xmas).

burning man starts tomorrow night. i have a 11 hour drive to do tomorrow, but with friends, multiple cars leaving portland, and we have walkie talkies…  will be fine.  im all packed.  stuff, glitter, dresses, short shorts, some food (not much cause who eats there?)… boxes of wine… 20 gallons of water, gatorade, tent, cigarettes, whiskey, glow sticks….  YAY!!!

i will miss blogging, but suzy will do it all for me!  ok..  this IS IT.

 

LOVE Lovelovelovelvoekvldovolvoeoeoevolllvllvlllvovelove

while alex is at burning man, suzy will be getting dental surgery-wtf!- (s)

oh alex. good lord, our lives will be as opposite as possible the next few days! you will be having about 9 trillion times more fun than me. ughhh not fair, but, life is fair in that it is never fair:)
live soul music in brooklyn tonight. i havent been blogging– what have i been doing??? hmmmm
getting increasingly annoyed at the existence of my office job, totally loving any and all side jobs!, being done with weddings for awhile after i got trashed at the final summer one this past weekend. im going to buy lottery tix, its 333 million and i just love that number. i dont know if i ever bought lottery tickets except in that bar in portland the last night, where i was SURE we would WIN bc we were full of so much LOVE for each other.

reading ‘fear of flying’, way too late in life, but im sure, actually, at just the right time.
excerpt i adore:

adrian had been taught existentialism in the course of one week in paris by martine, the french actress who’d been in a bin.
“thats fast,” i said. “existentialism made simple. sort of like the souped-up berlitz course. how’d she manage it?”
he described how he’d gone to paris to see her and martine had surprised him by metting him at orly with two friends: louise and peirre. they were to spend the whole week together, never be apart, tell each other everything, fuck each other in all possible combinations, and never make any “silly moral excuses”.
“whenever i spoke of my patients or my children or my girlfriend at home, she said: ‘of no interest.’
“whenever i protested about needing to work, needing to earn a living, needing to sleep, needing to escape from the intensity of the experience, she said: ‘of no interest.’ none of the usual excuses held. actually, it was terrifying at first.”
“sounds fantastic. and all in the name of freedom.”
“well, i see your point, but it wasn’t fantastic because actually her idea was that you had to stretch the boundaries of what you could endure. you had to go to the bottom of your experience even if the bottom turned out to be terror. martine had been mad. she had been hospitalized and she came through it herself with all sorts of new illuminations. she put herself back together again and was much stronger than before. and that’s what the week did for me. i had to cope with the terrifying feeling of having no plans, not knowing where we were going next, having no privacy at all, being dependent on three other people all the time. it revived all sorts of childhood problems for me. and the sex- the sex was terrifying at first. fucking in groups is harder than you think. you have to confront your own homosexuality. it was illuminating, i think.”

i LOVE the ‘no interest’. part. be here here. what time is it? NOW!~

im eating a mantao sandwich [steamed chinese bread from northern china] with shiitake. and kimchi, and drinking sapporo, and im in my glory and i leave you with this link. happy friday night, loves and loves of loves!

on conan-obrien->>>puppies-dressed-as-cats!!!

i wrote (a)

ANDWELOVE.COM  all over the back of my camelback and backpack that i’ll be wearing all week on the playa.

good will bins (A)

yesterday i totally loaded up on fun burning man wear..  a purple cocktail dress, some ripped up t’s and other colorful items, my favorite is mesh SEE THRU short shorts… OH YEAH BABY!…  a pile of clothes cost me around 5 bucks… why? cause i went to portland’s good will bins… a huge wear house of shallow bins completely unsorted, stuff either before or after going getting sorted for the stores… PAY BY THE POUND!… $1something for a pound of clothes.!

isnt this just wonderful (a)

RENO TRADER JOE’S HAVING SPECIAL BURNER HOURS

Louie writes:

“hi,
i am a burner(2001-2006) and one of the asst. managers of trader joes
in reno. just want to let you know. we will be staying open until 10pm
(normal hours 9am-9pm) on fri (29th), sat(30th) and sun(31st) for the
burners.

hope this info helps.

louie t”

Not YouTube, THRU-YOU

thru-you.com  THIS SITE..  is from an awesome artist who makes whole music tracks from “found objects” on utube, so to speak.  videos of music being played, compiled to make a song – it’s like all these strangers are making music together but they don’t even know it.  

oh man it is so cool.  and watch number 8, how it was done and how cute the guy who did it is!

thru-you.com

found by A

going home (from alexander)

Suzy, all your entries have been very wonderful and i don’t know were i’ve been… i especially loved:

hours of vast nothingness.

what do normal people do? when they are not frantic between
the two extremes? sleep or be wide awake.
too much too far too fast, or not moving.
those feel like my only choices. and, they are all i see.

i somehow summoned the energy to do one load of laundry.
but where will i ever find the higher power that allows me to
bring the damp limp load to its completion in the dryer cycle?
i am not sure.

i am having a day where it all reminds me of being five years old.
i was a problematically perfect child princess.
no wonder i am having a tough time competing with that
and living an authentic life, where it is ok to muck it all up,
every now and then.

and by that i mean everyday.
but thats not forever,
anymore.

 

I guess I’ve just been here – in Portland, mostly quiet for now.  The air is cooler, the house is quieter (mostly-thought right now there are 3 hippies playing guitar on my porch.)  I will post pictures.   Otherwise, I’ve been grinding into a job hunt more and more…  my options wide open.  I’ve emailed hostels, and lots of places.  It’s a little discouraging now that I’m actually trying – but then again, im not only a week away AWAY FROM BURNING MAN and Im so excited and getting packed and buying weird things and shopping at good will and getting prepared for it all… this year will be my second and i will totally be able to know what i’m getting into, which will probably make it EVEN better, can you imagine.. this year i hope to volunteer and work at one of the cafe’s or the bus depot or handing out ice…  hmmm, something!   and i got a TUTU… and face paint.. and its all coming together.  

 

here is someone’s (ok) montage made last year in 08….  woooo woooo

if wishes were horses (by suzy)

so, it seems my dreams are coming true, but to what end?
i always thought it was wrong for super rich people to be super rich. actually, i guess i felt it was just an injustice to the extremely poor. in my mind it was ‘why cant we just meet in the middle??’.

alas, the world is crashing, and i have been front and center in new york city watching it happen. with mixed feelings. there is something interesting to me about the rich rich rich people you meet here…. and what would life be like without that? while that is something for me to ponder, i know i do not think twice about the fact that some people are so poor their entire life that it is impossible for them to ever catch up. the work i did in inner city communities taught me so much. parts of society love to say ‘its their fault’ ‘they can go get a good job whenever they please’ and so on. but… they cant really get a good job. they go to shitty public schools which i have worked in and are a complete disaster in some cases. they have family trouble and neighborhood problems and more problems by the age of ten than most suburbanites i know will ever encounter.

and then i went to work in prep schools. ahh life’s beautiful fucked up tricks. to make SCHOOLING- schooling!- such a privledge to some, and such a burden to others. i left greenwich, and CT, and prep schools, and navy blue blazer -ed life, as soon as i could. i bet i could have learned a lot, but the entire time i just thought about how i was working within the system out of a hate for it, to learn more about to, to help dismantle it. and, of course, how unhealthy is that! and also, how unrealistic. and i knew that.
but… it seems a bit more real every day:
” Some of the clearest signs of the reversal of fortunes can be found in data on spending by the wealthy. An index that tracks the price of art, the Mei Moses index, has dropped 32 percent in the last six months. The New York Yankees failed to sell many of the most expensive tickets in their new stadium and had to drop the price. In one ZIP code in Vail, Colo., only five homes sold for more than $2 million in the first half of this year, down from 34 in the first half of 2007, according to MDA Dataquick. In Bronxville, an affluent New York suburb, the decline was to two, from 17, according to Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage.

“We had a period of roughly 50 years, from 1929 to 1979, when the income distribution tended to flatten,” said Neal Soss, the chief economist at Credit Suisse. “Since the early ’80s, incomes have tended to get less equal. And I think we’ve entered a phase now where society will move to a more equal distribution.” see NYT article here.

be careful what you wish for. its the story of my life. i want something, i get it, its not what i thought it would be. and i wished for big time restructuring of society. did many of us? are we collectively happy? are we all going to move forward together, and do great things, as a country and as a global community? or, are we scared and upset by this? i know some people must be… the powers that be.
ahh i wish i could get my mind around all this. a billion lost a billion gained. that means nothing to my small life. but a billion new social programs does…

happy friday. i am drinking sake and orange juice and pondering the troubles of the world before noon. good day to you!
s

fun at work, fun at play (suzy)

modeling is fun bc i get pics back that i like- sometimes- and i get emails like this:
“I love your elegance and sexiness. Your mind is fascinating and your body fabulous!!! “
woowoo. im sure hes never written that to anyone before. but, still.

think tank is fun bc i get to design invites that will be sent to tony blair and random middle eastern royalty. that shit still awes the small town gal in me.

it is hailing in nyc on this august night.
what the f? i dont know!

here are a few pictures that were taken last week.

lastly, something funny from mcsweenys. a high school friend asked why i dont drive any longer, and i said, bc i live in nyc! and then i read this, and, not that it needed to be reaffirmed, but im pretty happy i dont drive.

postsecret

make me up (suzy)

if i ever look good before noon on a weekend day,
it’s because i still have on my makeup from the night before.

loved what i saw on this site last night– airline terminal electronic signs in the forest. be still my heart!

and here is this, now (from suzy)

you smell like a drugstore. this reminds me of my childhood.
fluorescent lights and mindless, important shopping choices.
you likely want to know more, and what does this mean;
but i am not sure any longer how to explain it.

i am sick of my conversations starting with:
‘did we already talk about this’. i am going to look
back at nyc life and remember so many days with nice weather
where i nursed hangovers.
with the blinds pulled.

one day i will stop drinking, for a period of time.
and that will be that will be that.
i dont want to overthink this– it is not so important.
its so self important-
sounding.

(i read very good poetry the other day and it reminded me i never
try to write anything good. and i could.
and like the story of all things such as these in life,
that is sad to me.
i need to keep reminding myself to try to find the point.)

today. last night. and still.
i listen to jazz on a radio that is really a website,
but who is counting details
like those?
these days.

i eat a meal i did not cook myself,
and i wonder if it should disturb me that
this is a daily thing.
better than starving, either way.
im sure.

i find myself with two free hours in a day
and my mind races between filling them with some of the most exciting
things- photoshoots, escapades, daytime parties, and, so on,
or, conversely, just wandering around the city.
hours of vast nothingness.

what do normal people do? when they are not frantic between
the two extremes? sleep or be wide awake.
too much too far too fast, or not moving.
those feel like my only choices. and, they are all i see.

i somehow summoned the energy to do one load of laundry.
but where will i ever find the higher power that allows me to
bring the damp limp load to its completion in the dryer cycle?
i am not sure.

i am having a day where it all reminds me of being five years old.
i was a problematically perfect child princess.
no wonder i am having a tough time competing with that
and living an authentic life, where it is ok to muck it all up,
every now and then.

and by that i mean everyday.
but thats not forever,
anymore.

midnight, by me, alex

i realised i use an old journal-book to hold my window up and was just like:   i should, like, take that inside and use something else to hold my window up, instead of having a journal rest there, available to anyone, the wind, the rain

 

(suzy you would probably say:  letting your secrets run free into the wide world)

alarm clocks / wholphin / and when does this place close? (a blog from alexander)

hi.

i just had this almost decade old horoscope come to my attention online, regarding our constant talk of time and life:

there’s nothing i despise more than a vapid, early-rising twit who takes pride in waking before dawn.  as far as i’m concerned, dawn is more appropriate for bedtime.  but that’s just my perspective.  you’ll encounter difficulties when people who march to the beat of different alarm clocks converge upon you this week.

ha, the beat of a different alarm clock.  

 

so, i don’t know why i never came across this: wholphin  …. it is a series of complations of short films of all sorta, with big known names attached.  dave eggers directs/edits one series.  sam mendes, others….  all of them are available on netflix and i can’t wait for the first to come.   oh i see know, it is FROM mcsweenys that all your eggers fans would know.

 Wholphin is a quarterly DVD magazine published by McSweeney’s, lovingly encoded with unique and ponderable films designed to make you feel the way we felt when we learned that dolphins and whales sometimes, you know, do it.

SO i researched more: …. just cause.. AND:

A wholphin or wolphin is a rare hybrid, born from a mating of bottlenose dolphin Tursiops truncatus (mother), and afalse killer whale Pseudorca crassidens (actually another dolphin species, taxonomically speaking). Although they have been reported to exist in the wild, there are currently only two in captivity, both at Sea Life Park in Hawaii.

 

OK. so anyway.  never mind that last part of the header… i WAS going to go on a tangent about my love of this cafe – the big one we all sat in after mt. tabor.   because, im never in here too late, but i noticed they never post hours and i’ve seen them close at different times.. since it is just coffee and no food or beer, etc, i assumed somewhere around 7 or 8, for portland.  (NY would have all night cafe’s, right – but in PORTLAND most cafes also become bar-ish after dark and are open, they are such a hybrid here).  i figured it was like my old days in philly – we closed when we got empty… but also, as barista, had the ability to say: its 9 oclock, i’m closing in 15.  and people we’re down.   BUT WHILE writing and pasting all the above, i overheard “what time do you guys close”  ”8 o clock”.  well, its 7… i get it now…