it is sunday in ny too

how surprising.

it is a lazy sunday here too. raining, and i mean raining all day. mean downpours. the kind that cause sloshing in your sneakers if you get stuck in the worst of it, or even just some of it. i was out unusually late last night, too. punk rock bands show at a bar in williamsburg. the singer threw his beer all over me while singing. i was wet and peeved for a moment, but then decided i liked it. because it had reminded me i was alive, and these things do happen.

talk and talk and talk at the bar. rotating cast, all sorts of the people. and i want to say the same conversation between me and each person i talked to , and each person everyone was talking to at the bar, but i wont reduce it to that.

stomach is off from drinking too much, so i am slurping tom yum kung soup. ginger. spices. i think it might help. or maybe it will make it worse. but at least it will make it feel different than it feels now.

what else? i have been wearing the same outfit for days. navy tank top, tailored expensive shorts that look like menswear, but are for girls, and red high heels. yes. it is great.

i think i am going out to a farm in upstate ny tonight for a photoshoot. for a dutch magazine. for my life to get weirder.

i wish we could share a bloody mary. yum to it and you.

its sunday

and im very lazy and its okay.  i want to go buy some vodka cause i have everything else to make bloody marys.  and thats what im ganna do.   last night i was up unusually late.   i remember when those kind of 3am, 4am hours were pretty normal.  i was on drugs or something.  not last night, just a night that went late and good.  and so i completely bailed on my usual sunday yoga class.  the hot hot man matt who keeps me going.  my room is so nice and i will block all sunlight and air today and allow it to smell like cat and me and smoke and vodka.  HOW NICE!

oh yeah, vodka.  gotta go.

in los angeles

its the hottest time of the year.  not humid, but in the 90s, but only hot in the sun
so the shade is cool – and it is even cool in the night.
my street is quiet dark and there is a hum of fans blowing and curtains moving in the breeze
they make the light from the street move like oceans in dark rooms and cool houses

the time of night, the coolness reminds me of some other time
some place i forgot about since i was much younger, maybe 15
feeling pretty good and still unsure what everything was supposed to be.
do i know anymore about it ten years later?

sometimes i get this feeling that wherever i am, it’s where i have always been.
“out west”
“california”
“la”
people constantly ask, “where are you from?”
i hesitate when i have to answer that.
like being put on the spot in the middle of the day to explain EVERYTHING
i don’t mind “where do you live?”
that i can answer.  i can tell about the whirring fans and street lamps.
but i’ll never know myself where exactly i’m from.

sometimes my house is so bright.   the sun of all day fills it up, day after day.
no clouds in la, no rain, no dark
except at night, when the sun is shaded for just a few hours.
it is quiet then, and mere footsteps through the hall remind me there is life all around.
or that i am alive and present all the way from the door to my bed.
the setting down of keys and cell phones
the clicks of ticking clocks and buzzing fans only broken by the sunrise

then tomorrow, another sunny day, like any other bright day.
comes
and fills me and everything around me like running water,
and we all stop noticing how beautiful everything is -
until night-
when the cool, the dark and the quiet reminds me how good it all is
this is where i am from
in the night

alex, this sentence is SO FUNNY

—————-> don’t anyone go to this because i like the small class and we don’t want more people.  namaste.

i was laughing so hard at that last night

agents…

are okay people sometimes.  its like a friendship with someone you do like but also pay money to if they find you work, which hopefully they are better then you at.  thats all.

i never post pics on here and i should,  i guess i still play plenty on myspace with that – as if anyone is looking.

have to make it to yoga now.  20 mins. dana’s 5:30 flow at silverlake yoga.  don’t anyone go to this because i like the small class and we don’t want more people.  namaste.

haha life is in constant irony.

picture this: yoga teacher agents.  NOW THERE’S A CONCEPT!

passed Words

oh aw alex- what a shame- my password for this is something totally easy. you can change it , i think. yours. it wont affect mine. i sign in as suzyloves. you are andwelove.

: )

calledoutsick from work today. had a photoshoot last night in the bowery hotel. what a cool hotel! went to a casting call back i got, and ran into an agency model who was at a shoot i was at in philly this weekend, who had left just a few hours before me. this modeling world that i dont know how i ever got into is becoming a small world for me. i said ‘oh so and so’ and she said ‘yes i know’ and we shot with the same people already, etc etc. weird.

she said she was going to invite me to an agency party. maybe one day i will have an agent ! that wont make sense, but it will be ok with me.

i like the word JULY a lot, too.

though i cant believe the date. but one never can, can they?

hey what job are you doing now alex?

ohhh i want to post pictures from this weekend, but i cant post naked on here, can i? or can i?

/????

oh HEYYY

- if i had an iphone, i could blog from traffic.
- also, how do you sign in to andwelove.. do you have that weird code password memorized? can we change it to a simple word we both know?

It is a monday afternoon, suzy.
LIFE as I KNOW IT is absolutely wonderful right now.  not for any one reason.. just for, reasons.  all and everything.
the sun shines and the days pass away with such ease, such friendliness.
know that way?
Its some day in july.  that word, JULY.
the middle of the year and all this TIME.  this is the only time i LIKE TIME, suzy
the middle.  half done, half to go.  such balance.
not sadly almost over or awfully just beginning.
you know?

today i’m in the middle.  of EVERYTHING GOOOOOOOD!

-

cat, house, and i sit near fan and the curtains wave like oceans
music and thoughts and light spin around the room, yet
it is calm.  i am calm.
andwe’recalm.

-

i guess thats all i’m feeling.

hey alex!

If you haven’t heard, gypsies are the new hipsters.

i just read that and wanted to share.

anyway, i had such a ‘you’ thought the other night. i was telling someone ‘oh, yeah, so and so is going to be there! it will be great!’ and he is all ‘i dont know so and so…’ and i was like ‘gosh. i JUST CANT BELIEVE that! you guys are so much alike…’ and it was one of those things, when you just forget that all your friends arent friends , and that the whole world isnt just friends really, by now.

suzy loves ee forever

Humanity i love you
because you would rather black the boots of
success than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard

Humanity i love you because
when you’re hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you’re flush pride keeps

you from the pawn shops and
because you are continually committing
nuisances but more
especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it’s there and sitting down

on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity

i hate you

ee cummings

well..

in ‘cute!’, i had attempted to post that picture of the three of us in nyc that nori sent. but i guess that did not work for some reason?

warm morning in ny. brunch at a great little european place called ‘brick’. strawberry french toast. salad with grilled apples. coffeecoffeecoffeebloodymarybeercoffee. accents, nice people with cute babies, and a nice breeze. every so often.

dennis bought new sheets and i am wearing a dress that somehow matches them perfectly. they are striped tan and white, and my dress is paisley tan and white. i make him take pictures of me looking like i am a part of the sheets.  a natural extension. first some urban outfitter type shots. then my being dead. or sleeping. yes, sleeping. that sounds nicer, doesnt it?

accidently really quikley read don dellilo’s great jones st. it was ok. i liked these passages a lot:

“Hardly hear your voice.”

“I’m under the covers again.”

“Is that you?” I said. “I thought it was me. I’ve been sitting here thinking that mound was me. Or that mound had me under it.”

“How could you do that? You’re there and I’m here. You’re the chair I’m the bed.”

“I knew you were there but then I forgot. I knew earlier. Opal Hampson, I thought. It’s her and she’s there. But then I somehow forgot.”

“Maybe you’d better get back over here. Or maybe if I uncovered myself”

__________________________________________—

another

____________________________________________—

“This is my vision. Everyone in the whole world wearing each other’s underwear. Whole nations exchanging underwear. China doing Egypt’s laundry. Big strong Turks wearing panties from Scarsdale. A people thing. I’m pro-people all the way. It would help so much. I see it in my mind’s eye. Special fourth-class rates for underwear. Cargo ships full of underwear plying the trade routes. This is my vision. Underwear chain letters. World peace through underwear.”

yeah yeah. what will i read next? i linear notes.

cute!

alex, dear, you can stop wanting to murder me for not blogggging!

i bought a tiny new laptop, so now i can be ‘on the go’, like commercials always refer to us being, and still blog! woo.

hoo.

just read this and thought of you. it was someones ideas for a photoshoot: “$50 worth of various calendars and clocks.  Rip, smash, fold them up and go with a “time/schedule theme”.

you loveeeeeeeeeee it, dont you?

how was your fake beach party? how was the concert? i had a great night posing after you and i talked. lots of indie-music, lots of artists lots of good feelings! it is like ‘where are these people in ‘Real Life’? you dont see them much, but they were out in full force at this drawing event : )

i have some quotes from a book i am reading. will give em to you in a moment. post that thing you emailed me, the environmental quote. i thought it was so great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXilu!

london. may 17.

it only took me about an hour and half to exit the heathrow airport,
remind myself how the tube functions – how to function
and to get my ass to cafe deco with a mug and paper

i still don’t know if i’m excited – its all too surreal

i really do know how to live my life
and allow it to mind fuck.  daily.
- its all too surreal

i wish i’d see heidi walk up gloucoster
like the very first time i  sat in this chair.
5 years before
and i know i won’t see it

(by the way, you used to be able to smoke inside this place)

a passer’s shirt reads: ESCAPE. TRAVEL. LIVE.

interesting.

-
may21.

OK, EXCITED.
bag on back
back at home. calm
whenever i’m “away” i feel so different.  like at home.

its been days now and i feel comforatable.
i spent the last 4 days with jonathan
on an indescribable ride – i said okay to anything handed to me.  ha.
i traveled to all lands, from the same couches, floors and rooftops.
what time of day was all that?

we overcame it all.  i mean that,
now i miss someone else
next, i write about things i don’t want to

anyway.

surroundings:

every man in london under 40 looks gay.  its very frustrating.
all those tight pants and cigarettes.

-
very late

this is finally the final evening i spend on this couch
the last night,
yet i want to feel fit and drunk so i can stop thinking
(i have one more cigarette on the balcony)

this room is simple.
couch. chair. pillow. tv.
and only i drank so much

i can’t be on this couch anymore
i can’t sleep in this flat anymore

tonight i’m all of a sudden briefly scared to go to spain alone.
will it be lonely and awful?

cambrell green is a lovely area in south london,
and i know that my time in spain this week will be the best thing in the world.

a guy i met this weekend stole my sweatshirt and from what i hear he is having sex with a stranger tonight
for 400 quid because he really wants this certain pair of heels.

see, i really love these people!

-
days later

my last few days in london.  just a reminder, of my life.  really  – mine
friends from san francisco and i sat and lived
wine and cheese in the hot sun of hyde park
the worlds that were there
last time here,
was,
the silhouettes of trees in the moonlight.
an ungodly hour
maybe the love
the silhouettes of the trees as the sun rose.

now.  it is different and lovely and calm and a friend

we shared one wee for 20p in the waitrose bathroom
it was such a long ride from dulwich to here.

i cried watching othello performed at the globe.
i hate shakespeare

-
luton airport observations 25 may

* don’t come too early as i am 4, not 2 hours ahead of schedule
* non-us airports, in and of themselves, feel safer. as if people aren’t afraid of each other
* uk BLT’s are lovely but salty
* americans are by far the most abrasive in public places “THEY DON”T HAVE WATER HERE RRROB,
OH. OH. THE SELL IT OVER THERE”, yelling
* a woman happily left her toddler and luggage with me for only a few moments, having trust in my personhood
* my cell phone does work, thank god i just now realized
(note from the present: my cell bill was 300 bucks over because of my calls made from spain)

-
hostel in barcelona

i arrive to an empty room
i come back late and everyone is asleep
i awake and they are gone

Who are these 5 people?
always my luck
they want to see and do everything
i just want to be out in the night and under in the day

the first person i met in a barcelona bar was named fernando,
and he was from san francisco and we know all the same people.

-
bus

for 19 euros i rode in circles
rode in a daze
nurd and sur
the rambla
circles
the city went by
like a language spoken

when i awoke, i was already awake
and i was int omorrow
at the beach, in sitges
(how am i here?)

all my evenings on the avenue de dalt
sangrias and my notebooks and dancing

welcome to new things

welcome to new things

welcome to new things