suzy, things are too..

heavy and deep and unsuual for me right now . so check email .

i cheered sort of loudly when the F train came today

i walked down the stairs, didnt even run because i didnt even know it was coming, and the F train pulled up just as i walked to the platform. i said ‘yay!’ and then looked around to see if anyone felt the same or if anyone just thought it strange i was cheering for the arrival of the F train, and the entire crowd of 7 or 8 people near me were , really, all wearing iPods.

if a tree falls in a forest…

i felt like something was a bit different in the world because of this.

alex i love your movie stories

thanksgiving feels like a pantomined movie in some ways.

eat. laugh big wide open laughs. smile.

but that sounds pessesmitic, doesnt it? and thanksgiving was actually raelly nice, wasnt it?

holidays mean something so different. no longer an angsty teen. now an almost adult with basically the most interesting stories of the table.  a real member of teh adult table with something to bring to the table.

im home home home, and though i know im never far from here, like you xander with a new climate and  a new name even, im far enough from LIVING here that it feels like a big get away while i am here. h-o-m-e. i love love love it here. comfort means this. suburban new jersey. love and food and whatever i want, on demand. childhood friend who knows and loves, or at least tolerates, everything about me? coming right up! mom i need warmer socks! im a bad packer! here you go honey. daddddd i lost the batteries to the camera again, those good rechargable ones. oh sweetie you are so cutely absent minded, try to hold on to these. in new york, lost while the N train changes to a C for no aparent reason. ‘;can someone tell me where they think this might go?’ SILENCE. ‘um, is this headed to coney island or queens?’ ‘GET  A MAP.’ oh family why have i left you for this land of new and scary? but but, we all know why.

because i must.

because i am more than a girl from nj. i dont even associate myself with that unless im here.

and bc there is a lot out there to do and see. and mostly bc maybe i would never have known how much my family loved me and how good my upbringing was for me if i never left. and that is hugely important.

love to you all this holiday weekend. and may god bring you good sales  : )

i know i know i know i know i know i know

suzy………. I KNOW. i don’t know though what. what it is. and you know i come and read ANDWELOVE, like, every morning. more than once a day even. yet i feel like an outsider like i can’t comment. not true. maybe i’m lazy. whatevs. i apologize.. also, maybe life is just stagnant. NO wait, it only is if i believe it is. really things are LOVE.

if only i could blog away at the phone calls i made to you and a few others at (my) 3am. but sorry if that was yuck and unhappy. i just, of course was.. AWAKE, and happy and WANTING to talk.

no ONLY was my night induced by awakatives (i made that up) and drinking and friends. BUT by the time i got home i was realizing i had one of the best days ever. it was a big day of “AM I REALLY STANDING HERE IN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW” – - – a day of disbelief. but belief. cause i was SOO FUCKING HAPPY.

and i don’t know if they are things to go on about. they were just wonderful things. there was my being on my show, “extra-ing”, but with so friends. ok well i’ll tell. the show THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE. (EVERYONE FUCKING WATCH THIS SHIT!!!) this week – not to air til january 8 or so- included a party… discription “a party with hip 20 something year olds” – which is a HUGE generalization because, well should they be hipsters or hippies or nerds or WHAT? but anyway… many of the office and assistant-level staff were offered the chance to join in. and see, the 30 extras hired, well in a way are proffesionals.. AND WEIRDOS… but still about 6 of us partied in too, and also out of the kindness of the directors, were placed in positions where the action would be. right. so anyway, could you imagine PANTAMIMING a party. no talking. NO whispering. just pretending to talk and laugh and eat and dance and wonder and enjoy IN SILENCE. IN COMPLETE SILENCE. i almost couldnt deal. especially when julia louis-dreyfus was acting away right behind me. and i was more listening to her and laughing at her amazing ability then i was pantamiming with my “girlfriend”/office co worker. anyway, i SUCK at extra work.
well THAT started the night. but there was much partying after work with friends, co workers,,,, cast from the show and LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING .. oh WAIT, i guess i do work on a sitcom. so laughing IS my job, isn’t it. thats when i realized i live the most amazing life.

today’s an EASY day. wednesday. before. holiday.

i am at work, for a sortish day. flying to tahoe/reno tomorrow early. and a few days in virginia city with dad, then a night in san francisco with loverboy and home sunday. i feel like when this was college we had so much time off for this kind of thing, but not really.. i think we had class the wed. b4 thanksgiving eh?. its so gray and far away now.

tim corrigan. london. somewhere near abbey road on thanksgiving. THAT was just as amazing as dancing in the same room as celebrities. or better.

love.
and.
i.
we.
love.

HAPPY>

alex you owe me some quality BLOGGING time

thanksgiving. going home on buses and trains as soon as i can after work.

new york makes me go out too much and it has turned me into a worse planner than i already was. but soon ill be home for a napping kind of peaceful weekend, and maybe ill return to nyc with a fresh head to make more effiecient plans.

or maybe everything will always sort of be the same with me, and that will always sort of be alright. !

call me if you are in nj/phila!!!  i miss you people.

laws of life…

on the days you wake up after how-did-i-do-that?! sleeping through your alarm, waking thirty minutes after you should have already left, are the days you need coffee the most and cant get it.

no minutes to spare. i wish i had a look alike to hire on mornings like this. “can you run to my office? ill recoup and get breakfast, a latte and then a coffee, and a newspaper. switch places with you in two hours!”

alex your socks

made me stop to write.
so little time, so late, already, to brunch.

but sometimes i wear two different socks. at times, intentionally; others, not so purposeful, and due more to mad dashing or factors of laundry. no matter what the case, these mismatched pairs always remind me of perfectly lovely you.

oh what a what a night. i wish i blogged about it upon returning at 4 am.
a girl i love who has to return to burma. a bunch of people that made me want to sing and laugh. you know when that happens? i woke up this morning with a song in my head.

more in the who knows when later.
have a glorious sunday friends.

i think i have the flu

send me flowers.
soup and flowers.

i JUSt started this job and i feel so shitty i had to call out already!
i think its from being exposed to 8 million peoples new germs in new york city,
maybe.

on the train last night

so i walked the length of the island of manhattan, from work on 98th street down into the bowels of alphabet city (minus 1 street and down). but i missed the foot of the brooklyn bridge, which is probably good bc i probably wouldve wanted to walk all the way home to brooklyn, and i would be really tired today.

so i was on the F train, coming over that bridge that i missed on foot, and i look out into the distance. i see a U-Haul, amongst all the bright city lights. the tall buildings. the lights upon lights that go on seemingly endlessly.

but the H was out in the Haul.

so it said U- aul.

and i read those bright lights as saying ‘u-aul’. you all live here all love here all belong here.

YOU ALL have a good night.

(((((( i have lots to write about. i saw Short Bus. i recommend it. the weathers so nice. im reading a good book. etc etc lots to write.

maybe on sat….)))))

wearing matt’s pants today..

YES I AM!

MORNING suzy and world,
funny – your story – because the casting director on my show has her baby. owen. he is here in the office 3, 4 days a week. he is 10 mo’s old and just started walking and when i met him he was not. i’m watching him grow and it’s amazing. maybe your boss will let you babysit on weekends?
i always think of you when i slip my legs into your ex boyfriends jeans. the ones with the rip from his bike that i have mustered together with a pin.

other than THAT lovely information. im awaiting photos? YES I AM.
brooklyn. your place, nyc in the fall. can i can i see soon?

my roomate is making her FIRST EVER venture to ny in a couple weeks. her and her bf are going to see the whole.. xmas in new york that i/we are so accustomed too. so strange to think of these westerners that have not made it to the big city that runs the world.

i’m looking to move to the beach. not today or soon, but in the coming year or 2. to venice beach, hermosa beach. somethine. i fit in so perfectly. i have a coworker/friend who sacrafices up a long – maybe 1-2 hour drive to come to burbank but from hermosa beach. because she wants this “work” but wants NOT to live anywhere near the la/hollywood crap. and i can understand. to get home on friday evenings and be in my small beachy town for the weekend. this is what i long for. i kept saying it to my mom and she said to me, “not to boost your ego but you always said you wanted to work at a big studio like warner bros. and look what your doing” long story short-never the case- im just … putting.. IT… OUT… THERETHERETHERE

my boss has a baby

who she brings in every tuesday.

and today is my first time experiencing her.

and she is the most beautiful baby i have ever seen!

and the happiest.

(im so glad- i thought i was maybe going to be stuck working with a cranky difficult baby.. her wailing wach time i went into my bosses office. but instead its smiles and cooing! )

new life where all the words will not be in spellcheck

i feel like im sort of illerate here.

i dont know any of the words i deal with. ANY.

eg: The Role of FOX O3a in caloric restriction prevention of AD amyloidogenesis

Role of Presenilin 1/ gamma-sectretase in EphB- incduced States

Efficacy of Eszopiclone as Adjunctive Therapy

something cool!!! , not something new, something old, or something blue, though///

so the guy im dating made this happen:

Comedy Central Scoops Everyone on Rumsfeld by 12 Hours » Netscape.com

and i think thats cool!

(ill expand on this after my boss leaves for the day and i can type without being scared of her knowing i am NOT looking at an excel spreadsheet…)  :  )

working on madison avenue and 98th street

so i understand you pay a trabillion dollars for your apt., or loft house place, townhouse, doorman building, whatever they are called, but you know lady, i am late for work, and you and your adorable child (chad? edward? victoria?) in the cute cute outfit that im sure costs more than all the cash money ive spent on acceptable work clothes ARE TAKING UP THE ENTIRE SIDEWALK walking so slow with that dumb stoller so you can sip your latte carmel low fat coffee thing.

 there. i said it.

and the rich men with the dogs with the sweaters, too.

(the nannys with the rich peoples children can slide. for now.)

makes me queasy too alexxxxx ,…. ,d.,fd,.

its a hospital,and everyones all rush rush rushing. my boss doesnt go out for lunch.
i dont like that.
i told her i like taking lunches. that i think its good for refocusing.
WHO CAN THINK FROM 9 AM ( straight through) TO 5 PM?

i know that this job is going to be demanding, but hopefully it will also be rewarding.
the studies i am involved with are just insane. like science fiction.

like every document i see is case sensitive.
top secret.
pharma stuff.
humans as subjects stuff.

big study on post traumatic stress disorder in children after 9/11…

all sorts of stuff.

after this experience i could do anything i wanted in the development sector of the NGO world. … … … which is sort of huge.

or maybe ill just be a coffee shop worker : )

poet painter baker wife mother designer artist lobbiest or just a HUMAN
BEING
a human being human

whatever. im hoping this new york life has little to do with my job, and a lot to do with the fun this city has to offer!

AND OH MY GOD THE DEMOCRATS WON IT ALL!
AND OH MY GREATER GOD- CAN YOU GIVE ME HEIdis number please?

my roommates dad is staying with us, with his new, young, french-canadian girlfriend.
i just found out he’ll be here for a few days.
im glad the shower finally works!