suzy, THE PAST!

oh yes! that thing, the past.. which is NOW.. cause it just added in the big equation that equals NOW. (well last night, if your reading this in the morning).

so suzy, all this london talk lately.. i “love london” “miss london” BLAH BLAH – not to digress, but i was reading old journals (hey, quick… i think i’m going to read some old hand written stuff and post what i like when i like, you do the same) and i was seeing that all the london love, well it wasn’t perfect, there was lots of anger/hate/weird THEN.. as is NOW.. its always BOTH i guess…. i mean what we consider the best time ever sometimes, STILL included this thought i had one night::::::

(from london, fall 2002)

“i choose not to use my umbrella,
and. walk. slowly. down the slick road, on wet leaves,
singing to myself, as the world came apart and went back together again-
as the real street turns into a set in hollywood, with no real walls and a door
that leads to nowhere.
and i just want to do my thing-
but don’t know if my thing is for me or for other people-
or for my schizophrenic mind and shaking hands.
the feeling of shit pushing through- pressurized by the coffee and cigarettes
i drown myself in.
you can try and stay dry from the rain,
but it doesn’t solve the world’s problems, or terrorism, or republicans or homophobic stepfathers.
the umbrella just goes against nature, keeping people dry
the fucking same people that should be drowning in this chemical rain.”

-me, then.

current reaction: (sarcastic), “whoa, deep”

hehehe. and I LOVE.