suzy, you live in BROOKLYN and
i know that the “nyc” sounds appealing, but if i were you, i’d be more proud of the brooklyn thing. plus your new friends and neighbors who are BROOKLYNERS will not be happy with you cheering “i live in nyc, i live in nyc”. its like me saying i live at the beach, though it is 20 minute drive w/o traffic. OK ENOUGH.
last night i nodded off whiole on the couch with the tv on and newspaper on me and roomate on the other couch doing homework and a cat and a dig on me and a glass of wine or 2 finished off. and around 11:30 i leaned up and said I HATE IT!. for more of my life than NOT i was able to pull such amazing hours (you were even better). i could do work/school/life all day, still stay up til 2, 3 whatever. still get up early and just be sleepy.
and NOW. i look forward to bed. to 9, 10, 11 o clock, a few glasses of wine, tv and a magazine and the day fades away and i am unconscience and i dream dream dream.
this is good and different and it makes me feel old.
it also makes me feel old that today i holloween and i have on skeleton socks on to show my office mates.
new york, new york… if I CAN MAKE IT THERE I’LL MAKE IT ANY WHERE ITS UP TO YOU. NEW. YORK NEW YORK.
so happy for you.
im here im here im here!!!
moved in to my apt yesterday.
!!! !!!! !!!! !!!!
im here im here im here im here! ;my roomate is super nice and the shower is already not working and of course we dont have a trashcan yet or all those small things and the jazz pianist who is my other rm is not here yet but i cant wait till he moves in with his pianos! my room is so small but i already went out to two parties and bars and today the park and tonight a party and a parade and so i dont even think i will be in my room all that much.
i live in new york city! i live in new york city! im happy and already things are less scary to me (train lines- where does the express N go!!!???) bc i know i will have to learn it and deal, so im learning and dealing.
i brought my bike,, and eugene my rm has a bike, so we are going to bike in new york!
i should stop drinking coffee and being silly and go unpack my shoes.
BUT IM SO HAPPY i cant do anything realistic!
ahh i hope my posts will be interesting and all will be one good story after another. we’ll have to wait and see!
been busy, but…
i will write more soon.
things are crazy.
i feel like im living between 4 states, and out of my purse
the entire time.
but anyway, ive been spending lots of time in nyc, though not moved in yet. though i feel like a real new yorker— because yesterday while i was there, i bought a pair of brown boots that go up to my knees. no heel, best boots ever. i am now a fashionable, awesome new yorker!
yes.
i miss you
suzy. on the blog anyway.
EVERYONE!!!! suzy did it and has become a new yorker and she did the best thing in the world by settleing in brooklyn town, a place i’ve always loved.
so come back to online world soon. we need to rant about jobs and apartments and lifelifelife.
last days are always hard
 |
moving again ///last days are always hard last day of my job. im never ready for things when they end. i do not want my life to continue being a series of meeting people i love, and then leaving them. is That the definiton of a life? hopefully hopefully everyone i love can come to dinner parties i have, soon enough. leaves fall, days go, calendars change pages. with a beauty and a plan something like skydiving, my life switches phases. new house, new people, again and again. i love you, i know you, ive opened to you, but now we go, seperate ways. come visit, stay awhile. ive fine tuned these relationships, only to burn the sheet music we move to and then unceremoniously smash the instruments to pieces. rockstar, beatpoet, nownownow living takes rockstar, beatpoet, nownow oh yes now measures. and striving to be a monk takes an element of reflectivness. but you know, i do know our parts by heart, so maybe on the same days we will be humming the same tunes that we created, together. for now, suitcases are packed, and soon there will be new numbers, so many new numbers. ill see you someday soon. it will be the same, just in a different park, around the turn of a different corner. |
youre good at dealing, alex
you know, i dont know if ive ever REALLY seen you grumpy. weve been hung over, lost in other countries, in boring boring classes, things like that, but youre always good. you dont fall into negative easily.
but i understand about feeling alone. i actually feel so so alone right now. i have support from people with moving and everything, but it all comes down to ME. if i mess up, its all me. if i dont pick the right apt. , the good roomates, the non-hellish commute, its all ME. i was babied for so so long by my family that i still expect to be sometimes. if i were rich i would be treated like a child still: call a broker, hes find me the perfect place, charge me $3000 and that would be that. but, nope, im not rich, but i am grown up. no calling my father when things go wrong anymore. (well, not often at least) : )
so i dont know whats going on with you, but feel better quick. ill call you tonight. do your free minutes start at 7 or 9?
i love you so much and it makes me feel so good to know you are out there. though in a different land! xoxox
something’s wrong …
… for just a few days, suzy. you know how that goes.
i’m on my own? i am i guess. even with the relatonship and the friendships and the people all around me. it’s still just me. and that is still something to sometimes fret about, no?
this song is from -JAMES- and the lyrics are my words to the world lately.
I’m so alone tonight,
my bed feels larger than when I was small,
lost in memories,
lost in all the sheets and old pillows,
I’m so alone tonight,
miss you more than I could let you know,
miss the outline of your back,
miss you breathing down my neck,
oh, they’re all out to get you,
once again, they’re all out to get you,
once again..
Insecure, whatcha gonna do?
feel so small they could step on you,
called you up, answering machine
when the human touch is what I need, what I need
is you. I need you.
looked in the mirror,
I don’t know who I am anymore
the face is familiar but the eyes,
the eyes give it all away..
here they come again, here they come again, here they come
again.. they’re all out to get you, once again
they’re all out to get you.. once again
bush almost agrees on parallels between iraq and vietnam war. (!!!)
Asked in an ABC News interview on Wednesday whether he agreed with an opinion by New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman that the current violence in Iraq was “the jihadist equivalent of the Tet offensive,” Bush said: “He could be right.”
oh i understand of course
i feel like i am floating through so many of my days. since i am nearing the last few days of my current job, i come in, email, make phone calls, read about things online, and suddenly my day is over. they fly by.
heidi heidi==== i want her to move with me so much. i feel like my life and her life would be so much better if we were near each other. her and i are a force!!! haha. soon , soon, we will all be happily together again. somehow. saw tv on the radio in nyc last night with jesse galle. aw, jesse galle. and jesse vile is thinking about coming your way- have you heard? i may try to get out there while he is there… though new job, etc, may make it difficult.
oh lord, wont you buy me, a little airplane (and a fun pilot).
im reading an INSANE book by ram dass. will quote from soon.
its the one he wrote after BE HERE NOW called grist for the mill.
good, as spiritual as can be! and i need that right now. i really really do. there is a part that says there is a guru here on this plane for each of us- but most dont get to connect with that person who could help them so just bc they never ask. they never once give up their ego and say ‘i need just a little help right now. i want, i NEED out of this cycle of constant want and want and dissatifaction.’
so- im putting it out there before i move to ny and it all gets so crazy- i want to open my heart and to be as pure as i can. i want to see the path to take, no matter how hard it may be. im willing. and ready. ive had enough of indoor complaints. im ready to move on to something i cant even imagine.
my apologies
for not writing. not even thinking.
i’ve had a friend in town and that keeps me busy.
we drink
walk the aids walk.
watch tv.
i spoke with heidi for a long time he other day. i love her. HEIDI, WHERE ARE YOU I LOVE YOU.
hm. the days are nice, starting to cool off – not so la.
planning for trips. thanksgiving, christmas and that stuff.
YEAH for new years in SF.
WAY behind in reading the new yorker, vanity fair, various other books and so i need a long plane ride i can have some wine and read read read, i sometimes would like a job that took me “out of town” . like often
GOOD NEWS:! i’ve been laughing, laughing, laughing. like a lot.. and all the time at work and at home.
things feel good.
weekend / weakened
alex i just remembered you had called. this weekend was nuts- no down time at all. i got to spend some time with jill this weekend, which is always fabulous. (kyle says i sound like a gay man when i say fabulous! ha.) i think i am nearing being able to have a really healthy, good relationship w kyle, which is fabulous times one million and so on forever.
weekend was nonstop. i feel like i did not stop moving at all. fun crazy alive. i really want/ need to have a real conversation with you. ill try to call tonight. (not about anything— just about everything. you know how it goes.)
i want to be in bed! 3 wishes, right now: 1) bed, 2) for hours, 3) and hours.
alex want to play two truths and a lie?
1) i am going to philly this weekend. highlights will include: seeing friends. seeing family. getting free good good meals with family. going to a rock paper scissors tournament. going to a see a rap group called the ‘black landlords’. bringing half of my crap to live at my parents house bc we both know it will not fit whereever im going to end up living in new york city.
2) i cut my hair. i feel like a million bucks. no, a million euros!
3) i am appyling for a masters degree in either Organizational Change Management or Urban Policy Analysis and Management at the New School which i will somehow complete part-time, and i am also going to take metal working classes so i can make jewerly and meditation classes so i can BREATHE again. also, plans to buy a small dog are in action. (bc we know so well that all cats are girls and all dogs are guys! ha).
which will you pick?
which will? (nick drake)
Which will you go for
Which will you love
Which will you choose from
From the stars above
Which will you answer
Which will you call
Which will you take for
For your one and all
And tell me now
Which will you love the best.
Which do you dance for
Which makes you shine
Which will you choose now
If you won’t choose mine
Which will you hope for
Which can it be
Which will you take now
If you won’t take me
And tell now
Which will you love the best.
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