moving again ///last days are always hard (written over a half decade ago…)

moving again ///last days are always hard

ive had SO many moves since then.  

i wrote this on my MYSPACE BLOG (omg omg my myspace blog! hahah) in 2006!!!! and im feeling it again. im moving one week from today. SF>ATL. who would have thought. and this isnt even a for reals move. this is a logistical move, and THEN there will be a REAL move, shortly thereafter, to somewhere scott and i both really want to be or really need to be, or maybe both. this was written about moving from stamford, CT to brooklyn, NY. a few days before halloween. halloween in NYC in my twenties. THAT made for a fun move! days on end of partying before emptying any boxes. 

the last time i wrote this it started with “last day of my job.” but i feel like much of the wisdom i have gained the last 6 (holy crap, SIX years!?) has gone to deciding to not being constrained by office walls, as it truly does not serve me well. the rest of the poem holds true for me, though. i added a few lines. i took away none, except the first about the job.

____

moving again ///last days are always hard 

____

i’m never ready for things when they end.

i do not want my life to continue being a series of meeting people i love, and then, leaving them. is >That< the definiton of a life?

hopefully hopefully everyone i love can come to dinner parties i have, soon enough. (maybe a month long wedding is in order. 1000 friends and guests and lovers, feeding each other fruit for a month straight. we will need to do it soon, next five years, before we go over the limit. making friends all over the world, it adds up fast.)

for now, leaves fall, days go, calendars change pages. with a beauty and a plan something like skydiving, my life switches phases. new house, new people, again and again. i love you, i know you, ive opened to you, but now we go, seperate ways. come visit, stay awhile. i can only hope.

***

i’ve fine tuned these relationships, only to burn the sheet music we move to and then

unceremoniously  

smash the instruments to pieces.

***

(rockstar, beatpoet, nownownow living takes rockstar, beatpoet, nownow oh yes now measures. and striving to be a monk takes an element of reflectivness. will i find my balance, in this next haven?)

but you know, i do know our parts by heart, so maybe on the same days we will be humming the same tunes that we created, together.

for now, suitcases are packed, and soon there will be new numbers, so many new numbers. phone numbers of new friends, house numbers, zip codes, parking limits on new streets with new names in a different time zone- even my hours will have a newness.

i will see you someday soon. it will be the same, just in a different park, around the turn of a different corner.

2012 2012 2012 yesyesyes (by s)

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i am thrilled excited happy elated yesYESyesing about this year. i am moving, again, oh man, briefly, from san fran to atlanta, from the time period of feb to may. there is a house to sell, and after that, there are adventures to be had. scott is keen on philly. i am a-ok with the idea, for the city has a place in my heart like no other. plus we can live there for cheap cheap, and travel the world to art openings and outings and not worry about a high rent for a place we arent living in. 

2012 prospects= atlanta for awhile, potential photoshoot in africa, art openings in asia, do i sense an A theme, ahhhh, then there is a BEACH idea which is my number one fav idea of all time, living on a beach, making art, in the warm sunshine. its going to be a good year. im going to go back to SF a lot, there are a lot of reasons to, but for now, the world is wide open. 

 

i love the black and white pictures alex:) so glad for them. 

we threw a huge party in atlanta: http://clatl.com/atlanta/art-of-such-n-such-new-years-eve-gathering/Slideshow?oid=4490483

it was a great night. the past few days have been perfect too. lets see what this year brings. i think it will be a lot of wonder and delight. 

xoxoxooxox 

<3 <3 <3 !!!

I liked the part when…. (A)

we are introducing various friends to each other and we then say “This is Suzy/Alex from “the blog”‘….   “OHHHHH”, people respond.  Especially when I nearly spoke about the blog as the past tense and you quickly corrected me that it is STILL active.  

So perhaps we should try to activate more often.    ”try”.

Summary: fall, graduate school, all A’s and B’s, mostly enjoyable, lots to read.  Thanksgiving, thai food.  Travels, Massachusetts, Hartford, Brooklyn- YOU, EVERYONE!, Upper West Side, Philadelphia, familytime!, YOU!  Xmas, etc… no shopping for me.  Will eat cookies, though.  

 

And re:FB… we had a nice b/w photoshoot, love.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

so the holidays are on their way… (by s)

blogging from a city i had no plans to end up in ;) (by suzy)

writing from a pink and gray striped antique couch in the living room, with a black and white cat and a black and white dog nearby. in georgia. GEORGIA! i am going to alabama tonight. yes, ALABAMA! how did this happen? oh, life i guess. and love. life and love. love and life. those two giant factors that are actually controlling everything at all times, in some measure.

atlanta is fine. its a nice city and a huge city and a sprawl and i dont really understand, but, there are a lot of trees, which make it all better. scott lives in a mildly bad neighborhood in a house from the 1920′s!. its adjacent to a large playground, and there are a quater acre of oak trees to the other side. i love it in lots of ways, and would love it more if he hadnt purchased it and lived here w an ex-wife;) so, with that said, its going to be sold, and then he and i can travel the entire world, with a brief time of me probably living here, soon, so i can stop flying in from the other side of the country and paying for an apartment i am very rarely living in.

i am SO so upset i am missing all the protesting action at OCCUPY OAKLAND.

general strike on the city, peaceful for hours and hours and turned violent at nightfall:/ i wanted to be a part of this, of history, i wanted to encourage protestors not to be violent for any reason, its what the cops want, its what the media wants, its what the right wingers want. we are better than that. we are the 99%. (i love that slogan- it rings so true in my ears.)

i went to oakland the morning after the very violent clash with police where scott olson was injured. i went there around 11 a.m., and it was me, my friend, maybe 7 protestors holding a large banner saying something about their first amendment rights, and maybe 20 policeman and probably 30 cameramen. i sadly had to leave for atlanta soon thereafter, and have been glued to the interwebs watching it all from afar. history in the making.

i think this is going to affect the presidential election, and i am thrilled. the internet is allowing information to spread so freely, and with all the charts and links and infographs, so many people now know how few people control the wealth of this country, and are acting on how unfair this is. HISTORY IN THE MAKING<3

—
in other news, i modeled after taking a red-eye here last weekend:

PUMPKIN TIME. punkin. -A

YUM YUM SALTY SPICY YUM.

Tonight, I have more squash in the oven right now to make a yummy curry and coconut milk dish this evening.

NAUGHTY!

Occupy Portland – A

The sleep-in Protest in downtown Portland is surely impressive to see.  I took a stroll though one lovely fall day last week….  They “say” (“they?”) that Portland has the biggest Occupy AFTER NY, but whose to “say”….

 

 

OK!OK!. OK! OK! Let’s revive here… REVIVE. School. Pumpkins. Occupy Portland. More. -Alexander

OH MY SUZY AND ALL…. months slipped by.  MONTHS.  I suppose summer will do that to you.  I spent it free and daring and bicoastal.. but alas, September came and with it huge life changes in my daily world.  School started, and inform you on what that is like, I am going to paste an email that was sent to family a few weeks pack..

I thought it’d be nice to send out a little report about the big academic adventure I’ve just begun this fall.  And others of you I hope are just interested to hear! After nearly 2 years of deliberation… (should I or shouldn’t I?)  and a summer of mostly cold-feet (will grad school be right for me? too overwhelming?  or just not that interesting??), the big day came and I found myself surreally sitting in a classroom again after 7 years – my first day towards a Masters of Public Health. To my very pleasant surprise, I was instantly awoken and excited to be in this!  Studying public health feels like a far departure from the fun I had roaming around Hollywood studios and otherwise enjoying much freedom the past handful of years, but it is a great step up from the service industry of late and truly ties together my interest in the health food movement as a social necessity as well as just an interest to do something meaningful in my next career – something to make each day feel like a contribution to this world. Not to mention, getting a degree that is actually in demand in tough economic times.  The movements all the way from Michelle Obama down to a small city like Portland are exciting and growing.  Portland is one of the leading places for work on sustainable food and nutritional education.  Farm to Cafeteria programs, community gardens, year round farmers markets, etc.. A student a year ahead at PSU mentioned that one of the biggest dilemmas about the MPH program is that students are making connections in field work and internships and they are getting offered jobs before finishing the degree and having to decide to take the job or finish school…. I said, my friend, that’s NO dilemma!!! The classes are all very intense, but stimulating.  Tomorrow I will finish 3 weeks and perhaps I waited to send this email to assure I could maintain sanity in the midst of “Epidemiology Survey”, probably the hardest of the classes, looking in serious depth at the study of disease, epidemics, and interventions.   Lucky for me its much more conceptual than mathematical, and I can handle that.  Down the road I will have to take “BioStatistics” – eek! My other 2 classes are more broad introductions – Public Health Foundations and Health Behavioral Theory – one class taught by a professor who spent most his career at UC Berkeley only to have actually worked with and TAUGHT 2 of my favorite food-interest writers today – Micheal Pollan and Marion Nestle.  The other class is with a very interesting woman who started as an E.R. doctor, got into trauma studies and got her Psych MD studying PTSD – now she is a leading expert and works with the US Military in training programs that work with returning soldiers and stress disorders.  So I’m thrilled to be around such influential people who have decided to make little old Portland State University their homes. Campus life is great to be back to.  I’m just here 3 days a week.  I forgot how much “free” and interesting stuff is available on the campus scene.  State of the art technologies, state of the art fitness center, and young hopeful people!  And I won’t deny a few bars.  I write this now from one of the many Portland microbreweries that opened an annex on campus, actually serving a Portland State Indian Pale Ale on tap….  yeah, thats right! I’m working about 2 days a week at the cafe still for a little extra income.  The owners like me enough to offer me as much or as little work as I wanted, probably since I’ve been there since they opened and seen pretty much 99% of the staff come and go.  I’m like a grandfather figure there, believe it or not.  I figured it’s worth it to take the offer and keep my face there a little… see friends and regulars and get my head out of the books a little.   And I have gone back to working a day a week as a volunteer at Outside In – I worked with them much more when I first came to Portland and the organization is partially my inspiration for pursuing this degree.  I have made good friends with staff there and on Fridays, I spend my lunch cooking (mostly) good healthy food options for Portland’s large homeless youth population.  Plus, it’s the type of organization to potentially hire me down the road. My household is great… still with same 2 friends.  Now 2 cats, and what was once 4 chickens are down to 3…. (nothing bad happened, we had to send the rooster off to a local farm).   Still raking in yummy fresh eggs and veggies from the garden and its a very comfy home to be.  (We did have a fish, for about 4 days.)   With the return of the Portland winter rain comes my favorite thing… family dinner parties! Good news is I’ve befriended a fishing enthusiastic who has a winters worth of frozen salmon on hand…  YUM! Well, I’ve yapped enough.  It’s good practice, I presume – as it sounds like graduate school is highly focused on being about to talk about what you know.  And everyone reading this knows I’m down to TALK! All my love and peace to you all this day, please be in touch anytime, Alexander

more travel, more love, more more (love, suzy)

princess of procrastination: scared of packing. terrified of laundry. its so sunny and beautiful and seriously the most delicately perfect weather in the universe in my neighborhood in san francisco at this very moment. i am FINALLY wrapping up burning man– doing laundry that should have been done 2 weeks ago. finding funny notes and little pieces of contact information in my dusty bags. adding friends on facebook, throwing away yucky earplugs. you know, that sort of stuff.

burning man was so insanely good. i went last year and had a so-so experience for a number of reason, mostly an injury. this year was exponentially better. i have pictures to post and should probably have some stories to tell, but, mostly, i just want to say::: alexander dear, i want us there together so soon. i got married to bree this year, since you werent here to marry again:)

i am off to atlanta early tomorrow morning, to chase a burning man love affair and see if it can exist in a real world as well as it did in a dried river basin in the middle of nowhere. im staying on the east coast for awhile after that… i am turning 30! somewhere in the mix of east coast travel plans, falling in love plans, being a guest at a wedding plans, being a surprise guest at my parents house plans… there are a number of things i want to do for my birthday. i sort of want to have an art event where i get 30 photographers and painters to capture the image of a girl on the brink of this part of adulthood. the wheels in my brain are set in motion for this. i also want to be around as many people i love as possible for the weeks before and after 30, with as many little parties as possible for weeks, being as the night of turning this number i will be at an art opening in flordia for a boy i deeply likelikelike.

in other news: i had a bondage photoshoot yesterday. i want more more more of that. i created a new modeling profile in atlanta– there is lots of interest. i guess i thought this part of my life was winding down, but its not. i love it and am not ready to be done with it just yet.

<3 <3 <3

items purchased in new jersey to go to the black rock desert (by playa-bound suzy)

a bridal veil
some shirts i potentially wore while ‘clubbing’ in late high school, including, a black metal-ish drapey shirt (its astounding. and, it shows middrift.)
tight ski pants onesy thing
a HUGE white poofy amazing long crinoline skirt
an evening gown with an beautiful high beaded neck
a straw hat
another straw hat that is very cowboy like
a menswear black vest with a low back

i want to be mod. in goggles. i want to be fancy. in dusty evening wear.
i want to take pics. with a new SLR camera that i willNOT fuck up.
i want you to be there. alas, in the next few years we will be there together again.

<3

my new fantasy life in new england! -a

northampton, mass.

maybe you’d like to come suzy?  2 hours from boston.  4 hours from the cities and homes our families are in?

The city of Northampton is the county seat of Hampshire County, Massachusetts, United States. As of the 2010 census, the population of Northampton’s central neighborhoods was 28,549. Northampton is part of the Pioneer Valley, and also one of the northernmost cities in theKnowledge Corridor - a cross-state cultural and economic partnership with other Connecticut River Valley cities and towns.

Northampton is home to Smith College and the Clarke School for the Deaf. Smith students (along with those of the associatedFive Colleges) contribute to Northampton’s “college town” atmosphere.

>>>>>Today, Northampton is known as an artistic, musical, and counter-culture hub. It features a large and politically influential LGBTcommunity, along with numerous alternative health and intellectual organizations.^[4] <<<<<<  Based on U.S. Census demographics, election returns, and other criteria, the website Epodunk rates Northampton as the most politically liberal medium-sized city (population 25,000-99,000) in the United States.^[5]

 

 

summer. passing. east coast, then back. -A

SUZY!

Seems almost expected that our summer travels and coast jumping would have us missing each other by just days here and there.  I remember many trips to the east and NYC would be with you away from your Brooklyn life.

I almost was going to meet Leah in NY.. or Dave A and still it all seemed uninteresting, after the years of visiting you there.  Even the brooklyn family kids were away.  So I saved my pennies and stuck around home.  I surely got in some fun galas and parties and friends and fam on my 3 week visit here.  Leah was down with me for my silly backyard Italian carnival.  We ate and drank lots of crappy delicious things!

I had a day on Sandy Hook, hanging on the beach and staring at the smoggy Brooklyn skyline.  I attempted to leave family to sun bathe and head north to the nudie beach, but after a mile or more walk, I realized it was not in walking distance and I was highly disappointed to miss out on the east coast’s largest nude beach.

Yesterday I spent the day with fun cousins, young and old, at Great Adventure in Jersey…

I did some FUCKED up coaster called KingdaKA…  its 450 feet int he air.  You go up, and go down and thats IT..  was an insane experience.   I’m trying to paste someone else’s video in…

 

Monday I’m in Philly with Jon…. then back to Portland a week before heading to Reno and San Fran…

We’ll stay in touch about dates, possible overlaps that could occur.

COME TO PORTLAND IN SEPTEMBER… I have the month off and free and relaxed before school.

 

Other things I smile at.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sober/ embracing sunshine in the mornings… (by suzy, currently in sf)

hi alex love! im at my home base in sf! and where are youuuu? ; ) seems we will be missing each other on the east coast by mere days. sad. typical. its ok. portland soon soon. a friend just bought a house there. when all goes wrong, i will live in that basement. then i will go to berlin germany. then i will write more frequently, less frequently, more less. more or less.

i have been sober for a few weeks now. life circumstances have been building to this point for quite a while. i am so so thrilled happy overjoyed ecstatic about the choice. i feel like my mornings are 3 times longer. i wake up really clear headed, with no headache and no remorse about what may or may not have happened the night before. i sleep so well throughout the night, and need less sleep, and feel SO GOOD when i awake. more positive, too. i forget, or made myself forget, bc i liked drinking so much, that i have depressive tendencies, and that alcohol is actually quite the downer. and, well, maybe i will lose weight, too;) ha.

and its funny, suddenly coffee is affecting me way more. its like you remove one negative from your life, and the other ones become more glaring. this morning, after spending the night at the bar below my apartment listening to a sexy tunsian guy sing arabic hip hop melodies live, i woke bright early unhungover and for i truly think the *first time ever* got half decaf in my coffee. i even went to the health food store so i could pour it myself. i wasnt ready to be the person who uttered HALF CAF in a coffee shop. but i was wearing fantastic gray multi-tiered fringed boots, that came up to my midcalf, at 8:45 am. so maybe that would have balanced things out.

i finished 6 months of dialectical behavioral group therapy, (DBT) last week. it was so difficult and so good for me at the same time. funny how that works. im starting a new rogue group in sf parks with a friend who is doing the course, too. send anyone our way who wants to go at it, with two fairy like girls in the grass on mondays in downtown san francisco.

now i am going to a big party in healdsburg, which will hopefully be not difficult at all and still so good for me. funny how that works, too.

time to apply the fake eyelashes. i will try to get a picture. new lingerie from agent provactour and the aftermentioned multitiered gray minnetonka moccasins and a 70s ish fringe-y shirt is the outfit, i think. its funny when that is what will be worn to the party. what will be worn to the bus to meet my friend at her car? what will be worn on the drive up? if it werent for the sf fog, i could probably wear whatever i wanted all day all the way. ah, but the caffinated part of my coffee has me realizing sometimes jeans and a tee that says ‘BRUNETTES DO IT BETTER’ is the way to go, for the bus portion at least. maybe a gold bikini for the car ride to napa-ish.
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOVE LOVE LOVE. TO YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ALL ALL ALL> <3

wishing and dreaming about pdx, — suzy

i kind of want to come live with you. i need a family, and i wish to dream to need to get ‘married’, no matter how fake or ruleless that marriage is. i want a full on awesome good great consuming relationship. portland might be good for that since i can find all of my potential candidates on laptops in coffee shops. that is one of my more natural habitats to exist in.

check out what transpired in LALA land last weekend. i scored a millionmillion dollar house and dylan leah and i had massive sleepovers and miniparties:) !!!

and a lovely photographer friend, nathan appel, took photographic evidence

cliche and redundant chickens, lettuce, life. from A, finally.

Stopping by the blog to say hellooooo to the world/Suzy/and the 5 friends that maybe still get around to looking at us.

Things to mention are minimal.

I quit the job, but I didn’t – I was asked to work sometimes…  because I’m THAT good.  That, or I have just helped run the restaurant longer than any person there and know my shit.  And I like it and the people to many extents. That or just having somewhere to go, eh?   So I’ll make some cameos, I suppose.. and after all the July/Aug fun fun, I’ll probably be bored, broke, etc.  And who can have it so lucky that an employer says, “come back anytime for as much or as little hours you like”.  WOW.   Then late september, graduate school.

But basically.  After all these years here, you must notice the major correlation between UNEMPLOYMENT and BLOGGING RATE.    duh.

I’ve otherwise, been enjoying the wonderful, well deserved summer in Oregon.  Little rain, not too hot.  Breezy nights.  It’s just pure.  PURE.  and Love.

Hammok, tiki torches in the yard, gardening, chickens, the so many friends.   I find my best meditation spending the half hour+ it takes to well groom and water all the greenery.

This afternoon I’ll be leaving for Bend, OR to stay with some random friends and have a fun road trip and get drunk and floats rivers all day for the 4th.  SATURDAY, IN THE PARK, I THINK IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY.

I’ll return with just a 24 hour turnaround before off to train it up to Vancouver, BC.

Which by the way, I so happily found the most interesting of Wiki sights… an entire listing of the worlds LAST CALL TIMES.

British Columbia: Last call for serving alcohol is generally 2:00 a.m. provincially, however municipalities can lower last call down to 12 a.m. or raise it up to 4 a.m. if they so choose. Downtown Vancouver’s last call was moved to 4:00 a.m. but was subsequently lowered to 3 a.m. On New Year’s Eve last call is extended to 4 a.m. province wide if food is available to patrons at the premise. Regulated liquor stores (both private and government-operated) can sell off-premise alcohol from 9:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m, with government-operated liquor stores typically closing before 9 pm.[3]

WE MUST GO TO CHINA.. I JUST LOVE THIS:

Chine:  Many bars, KTVs and night clubs have no specific last call and will continue to sell alcohol and stay open provided there are paying customers present. However during sensitive times where national security is increased (i.e. the Olympics, the 60th Anniversary of the PRC) closing times may be in effect in some cities between 1 and 3 a.m. Alcohol is sold through retailers 24 hours a day.

 

—

 

I LOVE YOU SUZY.  You will probably see me next in San Francisco come late August.  I’ll be in NV a week and then free to do whatever.  Probably not Burning Man, unless, I don’t know.. I win the lotto.  That or decide to go there just a couple nights with nothing at all but the love from friends and burners.  It’s been done.

 

In any event, my headline is regarding my desire to show off MORE pictures of my grown up chickens and my blooming beautiful home and garden!  But I realise now, this 5 year old blog has seen many of my veggie garden and all the fucking great versions of my life thus far.  Is it a cliche then?  redundant lettuce photographs?  Well, I do happen on facebook now and perhaps there will be new visitors. And I thank you for that.

 

Theres other good stuff down here.  friends. naked bike ride preperations, etc.

 

dan’s chicken turned out to be a rooster.  so we found the mexican flapper a nice home in rural oregon.  he is happy and having lots of sex and fun!

 

 

 

my family is great and they have birds on them

 

this is myself, (you recognize the hat) and 4 lovely other men in their dick costumes.  no, not for the NO REASON.. we were of course prepping our looks for the world naked bike ride.

 

good thing the happy couple in the park got the outfits matching for the day.  oh yeah!

birds eye view of birds that can’t fly.  neither can melissa.

 

 

smokin hot farmboy with hipster tattoos.

 

awesome veggie land.

 

thats my BEET!

 

blissness.  and thanks suzy,dylan,leah for the hammy!

 

we draw smiles around the happy house.  happy!

 

so its the 3 ladies nowadays.  they are lovely and happy. henrietta is truly the lead, and popsicle i the middle never far behind.  they seem to like leaving the property now and hanging with the neighbors.  who don’t mind.  poor little shaniqua in back, well she’s a bit slower.  no eggs yet, but should be plentiful come late summer, fall.

lets not forget life is a party right?  so theres my margarita with infused lavender from the yard.    ok.  i didnt actually get around to infusing the drink with the lavender… i did put bouquets of lavender all over the house and so, the smell is there.  infuse that.